The migration malarkey in Australian politics

It's Election Season in Australia and every party's Immigration policy is making my blood boil. They all think migrants - particularly non-refugees like myself - are somehow contributing to the downfall of Australian society, and even the Greens have hidden their xenophobia ("You can buy your way into this country if you're rich or you're highly skilled." - nonsense, Bob Brown) behind "ZOMG CLIMATE ISSUES!!".

The only Aussie politician who has been honest about this whole thing is Brisbane Lord Mayor Campbell Newman, who has openly acknowledged that cutting international student numbers will bring a major hit to the Australian economy:

Cr Newman told brisbanetimes.com.au the city was spending money to attract even more international students to study here because they provided a big boost to the local economy.

"I think it's a really important thing, and it's important for not just the money that's made from fees and from supplying accommodation, food and clothing and all those sorts of things," he said.

"It's important because ... these people who study here - they're going to go back home, if they've had a good experience here ... they're going to be literally ambassadors all their lives for us; they'll think fondly of Brisbane and they'll bring their families here and all that sort of stuff."

At least I can respect him for not bringing in other argy-bargy about climate change or the "Australian way of life" or other things. It's all about the money. We migrants pay full fee for everything and get nothing in benefits, even up to 2 years after permanent residency. The only reason Australia's able to afford HECS, Centrelink, scholarships, and all the other fun stuff citizens take for granted is because it comes from the pockets of migrants and students who don't even earn enough (yay visas getting in the way of work!) to get their tax return back.

I have been quite disheartened with how very little has come in the way of public support for migrants from local Australians, particularly from the left-wing side who seem to be quite fond of making themselves sound like they're better than the Conservatives (who are oddly enough mostly of the Liberal party). As evidenced above, the Australian Greens have their misconceptions, and nowhere in this debate has anyone actually ever bothered to ask a migrant. Y'know, the people affected by all these law changes and election rhetoric? But because we can't vote, we have no influence on local politics - and because historical and recent imperialism has messed up our home countries anyway we're all coerced to move to countries like Australia anyway because it's a much better life even with all the bureaucratic trouble! Silence isn't support, people.

Thankfully there are people who are calling the politicans - including Bob Brown - out on their crap. I don't know how much influence they have, or whether they will get the support of a wider voice - the xenophobic "OMGZ THE DARKIES ARE COMING WITH THEIR SHARIA BURKAS" crowd seems to be really loud and common - but they're there. We just seem to be quiet voices in the noise of rabble.

Here's some:

ABC Unleashed: Greens' population policy no better than the others:

Let's be clear. If you are a refugee fleeing persecution, then a Green government will embrace you. But if you are fleeing something as banal and commonplace as poverty, economic hardship, low wages, a lack of opportunity or jobs, or if you're just looking for a better life for you and your family - then the door to Australia is closed.

The Greens are torn. On the one side, they have supporters who value Australia's role accepting more refugees and providing opportunity for migrants. 

But on the other side, they have supporters who see people as the ultimate environmental problem. Each Australian has a relatively high carbon footprint. So, for some environmentalists, the goal should be to make sure there are as few Australians as possible. 

That means keeping foreigners out. Poor people are better for the environment. They can't afford gas guzzling cars, or always-on-standby plasma televisions, or gaudy McMansions with heating and cooling systems.

Anyway, that's the theory. Many people holding this view say we should increase foreign aid, but they are convinced the effective path out of poverty - immigration - should be blocked.

Green Left: Why cutting immigration won't help:

"Overpopulation" has long been a euphemism for "the pressing surplus of non-white poor". By classifying them as "surplus", overpopulation theory denies them the very right to exist. Not only have they no right to exist, but this is presented as "scientific" fact, the operation of the "law of nature". The historical, political, economic and social reasons for poverty and environmental degradation become irrelevant.

Faced with a choice between acknowledging the need to confront the most powerful sections of society to demand that the driving force for development becomes meeting the basic human needs of all people in an ecologically sustainable way, or pointing the finger of blame at the poor and powerless, the overpopulationists take the easy and (for First World, relatively affluent, white people) more comfortable way out. In focusing on the number of people as the problem, they don't just let the existing social relations off the hook, they obscure them.

[...]

To blame immigrants to the First World (or the mass of people around the world) for the environmental crisis we all confront is not only "scientifically" insupportable, but also erects barriers to uniting the victims of the crisis in action to reverse it. If we are to truly "think globally and act locally", we will welcome more refugees and migrants to this land and, in the process, encourage and convince them to join with us in the struggle for a society which puts human rights and the environment before profits.

World People's Conference on Climate Change - PEOPLES' AGREEMENT:

Developed countries, as the main cause of climate change, in assuming their historical responsibility, must recognize and honor their climate debt in all of its dimensions as the basis for a just, effective, and scientific solution to climate change. In this context, we demand that developed countries:

[...]

•          Assume responsibility for the hundreds of millions of people that will be forced to migrate due to the climate change caused by these countries, and eliminate their restrictive immigration policies, offering migrants a decent life with full human rights guarantees in their countries

Now where's the rest of you?

[Add your comment]

Hello all Grazia readers [update: article scans!]

Click through for larger versions of the article

Hi everyone who found me through my two-pager in Grazia (Australia)! I answered a callout on SourceBottle last week and got called in for a photoshoot and an interview. I was surprised at the space - I honestly thought it would be just a headshot and a paragraph! Now I can say I'm in the pages of a mainstream women's fashion magazine ;)

Just some things about me that the article probably didn't make very clear:

• I'm not that desperate for a job, haha! I was pretty desperate by mid last year, before my parents' allowance stepped in, and there are months where I often wonder when or if I'll get any income. I find that things tend to sort itself out, though yes, if it weren't for my boyfriend (who works as a web developer) or my parents I would definitely be in much worse conditions!
  
  
• Despite what the article implies, I do actually have stacks of experience. I've been active with events, festivals, non-profits, media, social enterprise, culture, youth, and performing arts in one way or another since about 2001 - possibly earlier. Here are my latest resumes (professional and performance). I get a LOT of praise and rave reviews about my resumes - both the look of them and the diverse range of experience - but I never seem to have the "exactly right" experience they're after. Which can be befuddling, especially when they don't seem to know what they're after either.
  
  
• The freelance stage and events management work I do that was mentioned in the article is as The Merch Girl. As Tiara the Merch Girl I create performance art, assist creative productions & creators with their administrative or menial tasks, and am growing into event & project production. I love being The Merch Girl, and if I could I would just like to keep doing all sorts of creative projects and not worry about being properly "employed". But, as the article says, the money isn't reliable or much, so at this stage it would be good to have a part-time job that allows me enough flexibility for me to work on my own projects. (Or have people sponsor/hire me enough to just be The Merch Girl full-time. Ooo!) Besides that, I also do some temp childcare work from tiem to time.
  
  
• The main drama surrounding my jobhunting is actually my Bridging visa. I came to Brisbane from Malaysia in 2006 for university and hung around to pursue performance and production opportunities. I applied for Australian permanent residency in May 2009, and while theoretically it means I can work just about anywhere anytime, realistically a lot of companies and agencies have no idea what to with you. The visa doesn't have an end date, despite being temporary (it expires 28 days after a decision is made on your PR application), so sometimes even forms don't work for me. I've had HR in companies knock back my application in seconds because they didn't understand the bridging visa (one time HR was telling me my visa was ineligible, at the same time the direct supervisor of the role I was applying for asked me to come in for an interview). The vagaries and inconsistencies of the migration system in Australia is something I am deeply passionate about. I suspect my ethnic last name may be a factor too.
  
  
• I don't tend to write job applications at 2 in the morning - I like my sleep! - though I have done job applications in the middle of the might mainly due to jetlag. I did reach a point where I was applying for every job possible, not getting anywhere, and feeling physically ill - just looking at job advertisements made me sick. Now I've pared down my approach; I only apply for roles and/or companies that feel like a great match with my skills, ethos, and personality.

Here are some other articles I've written about the jothunting process:

Should I change my name for a job?
On software and the job-hunting process
Tiara, Brisbane, and the Creative Industries - let's work together!

And once again, my resumes, and my work as The Merch Girl.

Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions, want to commiserate, or perhaps have a job offer!

Up with People Reunions, Arizona, and Racism

Five years ago I travelled with the WorldSmart Fall 2005 crew of Up with People across the US, Japan, and Europe and had the best time of my life.

This year was supposed to be my first crew reunion, hosted by the Up with People International Alumni Association. I had been looking forward to this event ever since my tour ended. I even still have my Time Capsule bag, with memories and letters from our crew (and a piece of chocolate I have to replace). The reunions are always held in Tuscon, Arizona (because it was past UWP HQ?), and while there are sometimes reunions in Europe and elsewhere, the big one is always in Arizona. It's the wone everyone goes to.

I was elected as Crew Representative. It's my job to hype up our reunion - our first one, especially - to get people to register, show up, and party. I had ideas for our reunion. I wanted to get everyone's baby photos and cast photos and put them together. I was half-considering an UWP burlesque routine. I was going to open that Time Capsule and see what was inside.

Then Arizona decides to sign in new laws that claim to be against "illegal immigration' but is really a license for thinly-veiled racism. This law allows the police to detain anyone suspected (not even proven) of being an illegal immigrant, and makes it a crime to not have your papers on you.

If you can't produce your passport, green card, or citizenship certificate on demand - and who walks around with them in their pocket every day? - the police can detain you.
If you look brown, and talk with an accent - the police can detain you.
If you happen to be wearing the wrong shoes - the police can detain you.

Getting to the US is already frustrating enough, given that most of our crew (including myself) come from outside the US and are either students or are in relatively low-paying jobs. Some of us went through great hassles just to get US visas for our tour; one of our crew members, a Russian girl, couldn't even join us in the US because her visa wasn't approved on time. And this was with tons of paperwork on UWP's side explaining the tour and providing an itinerary - the UWPIAA reunion crew isn't going to be that thorough. Yet for some reason, for those of us with the dreaded "green passports", a short holiday in the US means surrendering your bank statements and travel details of the past 10 years, just to prove that you won't hang around illegally (if Arizona police don't catch you).

My US visa expired last year and I wasn't sure if or how I was going to renew it in time for the Reunion, especially since it'd probably cost more than I could afford (they wouldn't be too impressed with my irregular freelancer/artist income). But the new Arizona laws directly target people like me - people who happen to look "foreign", people with weird accents and dark skin, people who don't have the privilege of looking like a white middle-class American.

I know what it's like to have your residency questioned, to be always on edge because you never know if or when you'll be kicked out due to a misunderstanding, to have to go through excruciating processes just to get permission to stay or travel. The new Arizona laws threaten my safety, and those of many of my crew members (some of whom are either Latino or can pass; I get mistaken as Mexican in the US). Our reunion might just be in jail.

Ironically, part of our UWP tour happened to be at Border Control at San Diego. We were right at the border of the US and Mexico. I poked my arm through a hole in the fence; a Korean friend managed to slide herself through the thinly-spaced poles meant to keep people out. I saw dolphins swim past the edge of the fence that went into the water. One of the border control people asked me where I was from, and when I replied "Malaysia", he said "...that's in the Philippines, right?"

There's been a disappointing lack of response from UWPIAA or UWP about the racist Arizona laws and how they relate to the reunions in Tuscon. The Boycott UWP Alumni Reunions group on Facebook has 12 members - twelve. There are more letters being passed around, mostly by older White Middle-Class Privileged American alum, about how we shouldn't boycott the reunion as it affects local businesses and it's still a fun event. And hey! It's Up with People! We're all about "bringing the world together", right? Our presence will make a difference, right?

How much of a difference can you make when you're cushioned in a bubble, the outside world thinks you're just an old-fashioned "happy clappy Christian cult", and the people who would actually make a hell of a difference get caught trying to get into your bubble because they look wrong?

How much of a difference are you making when you stay silent or promote the voices that maintain the status quo, instead of thinking about how your choice of location alienates a growing part of your membership - now that more and more people from developing countries are participating in Up with People?

How much of a difference are you making when you just take care of the people with privilege?

Below is a letter I send to the Reunions department of UWPIAA. Goodness knows if they'll read it; there's been some historical animosity and alienation between UWP, UWPIAA, and the 3 WorldSmart crews which tend to be dismissed as "a mistake". But if they're serious about making a difference and bringing the world together, they need to think about what their choices mean for their membership - and how it affects someone who had the best time of their life but can't enjoy it much anymore.

*************

Dear UWPIAA,

I am the current crew rep for the Worldsmart Fall 2005 crew, which has our first reunion this summer. Most of our crew members are from outside the USA, from a diverse range of cultures and races. I myself hold a Bangladesh passport and currently reside in Australia.

Recently the Arizona government passed laws that allowed police to question and harass anyone "on suspicion" of being an illegal immigrant. These can include the way they look, the way they dress, or the way they speak. If the person they apprehend is unable to provide their papers immediately, they are liable to further legal action. All for essentially looking "foreign".

These new laws (as well as simultaneous laws banning "ethnic studies" classes and people with strong accents from teaching English) are racist at their core. They allow for racial profiling, and do not consider that most people wouldn't be walking around with their citizenship certificate, passport, or Green Card (these items would likely be put away for safekeeping). It opens the doors for many people to be unfairly targeted just because they do not look like a typical White American.

It is for this reason that I am not attending the UWPIAA reunion this summer, have told my crew about this decision, and will not attend any other UWPIAA events for as long as they take place in Arizona.

It's already hard enough to obtain a US visa, especially when on a high-risk passport (such as passport from underdeveloped countries or Muslim countries - Bangladesh has the double whammy). The process is long and excruciating; you essentially have to give them your life story and lifetime accounts just so you can go to the US for a week or two! In my crew we had one person from Russia who was unable to join us on the first leg of the tour as her US visa was not approved, and another from Kenya whose passport, like mine, was often scrutinised closely. Also, most of our crew live far away from the USA and are either students or on low-middle income jobs (including a number of non-profit workers); we would not be able to afford the costs of heading to the UWPIAA Reunion.

I have read a number of letters from other UWP alum suggesting we do not boycott the UWPIAA reunions as they affect local businesses and UWP's presence will definitely spark change. These letter-writers come from a position of privilege; they are white middle-class Americans who would never be targeted until Arizona's new laws. They do not know what it is like to continually have your residency or citizenship challenged, to be singled out and harassed solely due to race, to be always on edge in case someone mistakes you for being an "illegal" immigrant. I nearly couldn't enter a club because my passport had hand-written details! The new Arizona laws are a threat to our safety and wellbeing, and it appalls me that more UWP alum and staff aren't openly speaking up, but instead choosing to endorse Arizona's laws by staying silent.

Will UWPIAA's mere presence in Tucson make a difference to Arizona law? That depends - does anyone else in Arizona know about UWP beyond "the super religious happy clappy group"? Will there be direct community outreach especially to migrant communities in Arizona, with something more substantial than "let's plant some trees together"? Is UWP and/or UWPIAA preparing a statement to the Arizona government strongly condemning the recent laws, including their potential to alienate a large and growing chunk of the alumni base? Or is UWPIAA content to stick to tradition and not rock the boat - even when it disadvantages their alumni?

I would like to see the following from UWPIAA:

• A statement condemning the racist laws recently enacted within Arizona
• Plans to bring the reunions outside of Tucson (and outside the USA)
• Recognition that a lot of the newer crews, from about 2000 onwards, were majority non-American, and that more and more UWP alumni come from developing or underdeveloped countries that would end up suffering from the Arizona law
• A statement reaching out to other UWP alum like myself who cannot or will not attend reunions due to these laws, with plans on how they can still be involved with UWPIAA and reunite
• A stronger commitment to action to combat racism and inequality, either as UWP or UWPIAA, not just lip service or token gestures

UWP's motto is "bringing the world together". But maintaining the status quo and ignoring the massive amounts of privilege that make that possible only strives to pull the world apart. I am gutted to not be able to attend my first reunion, an event I had been looking forward to ever since my tour ended, for fear of my safety. Please recognise that many of us would like to attend the reunions if we could, and that we don't deserve to be ignored by UWPIAA just because we happen to have the wrong passport.

Thanks,

Tiara Shafiq
Crew Representative, WorldSmart Fall 2005

Attention-Seeker: Constance McMillan and flashbacks to primary school.

I have been following the Constance McMillian story for a while now - the girl who wanted to bring her girlfriend and wear a tux to her prom, got denied, sued, saw her prom cancelled, got a lot of accolades for speaking up, and then on the promise of a "prom" was sent to a decoy with only 7 people (including 2 learning disabled kids!) while everyone else disappeared to a private party. Metafilter has a pretty good links roundup.

Recently a Facebook page titled "Constance Quit Yer Crying" popped up, as well as some nasty letters from one of the students, claiming that basically everyone found Constance annoying and the cause of their cancelled prom, and that's why they excluded her, not because she was gay. Never mind that the same school hounded a trans student and his family out of town just some months before after only four hours. Never mind that kids with learning disabilities were involved. Oh no, it must be because Constance is annoying. (Oh, and maybe because her mother's gay.)

WHAT THE HELL.

This whole thing is giving me flashbacks to primary school. Replace "being queer" with "being a racial minority" and you pretty much have my story. In 2008, I wrote an open letter to my old school - Sultan Ibrahim Girls School (Primary) Johor Bahru, come on, own up to your bloody bigotry - detailing some of the most egregious and terrible bullshit they put me through just because I was Bangladeshi ("Other" in Malaysian bureaucracy), my parents were migrant professionals closer to the "Expatriate" category who weren't diplomats nor starving labourers, and because I actually did pretty well in school. The first two may have been forgivable, but how dare I be amongst the top in the class, how dare I come to school in a chauffered company car, how dare I be the best student in English in the entire damn school the 6 years I was there! How dare I demonstrate a love for learning, an affinity to non-Malay English teachers, a keen interest in computers? Even my best friends left me after Standard 5, when most of the rubbish happened, partly due to peer pressure and partly because I was not dealing with it very well.

A lot of the racism was ring-led by the teachers and administrators, many of whom were Malay and benefited from Government-sanctioned Malay privilege (think of the White privilege in Western countries, change the dominant race, and add Government codification). My existence, and that of my parents, was an affront to them, their identity, their politics. My family was Muslim, which should bring me closer to their side, but I was a "labourer" race and not even properly a citizen (despite being born in Malaysia - another long rant), so I didn't make sense to them. I was a contradiction, I defied the labels mainstream media and the ruling parties put on me - and instead of accepting me and working with me, they decided to shun me and make me an outcast.

Secondary school wasn't that much better: there were more opportunities to get involved, so I developed a level of infamy just for being busy. I was revelling in it for a while, taking the applause as sincere, when suddenly one of the more well-known teachers told me "Tiara, they're not applauding for you, they're making fun of you." Even if she was right, why the hell tell me that?! Way to ruin my relationships and trust in humankind (if it wasn't ruined already by primary school). In Form 4 I gained controversy for skipping Pure Science in favour of Humanities, putting myself in the "last class" and being top of the class almost by default. In Form 5 I had a diagnosis of panic disorder and depression, as well as some new insoles that required wearing sport shoes instead of normal school shoes, and the students & teachers claimed that it was all in my head. I was so glad to be gone from school; it was an absolute waste of time and I wish I'd just skipped the whole malarkey.

Anyway, back to Constance. I read the story about the fake prom, the teachers joining in, the Facebook page. And I'm pretty sure that if Facebook existed in my time (and I wasn't the defacto Internet geek of the school), and if our schools had a prom culture, they would totally do the same to me. Hell, they may have been behind-the-scenes scheming without my knowledge; why else would I be denied the award for English Language skills when it was well-known that I was the best in the school? And then you have this absolutely horrible letter, where the students (and presumably the teachers) pegged her with one word:

Attention-seeker.

Attention-seeker, because she was out and proud.
Attention-seeker, because she wanted to bring her girl to the prom.
Attention-seeker, because she spoke up against injustice.
Attention-seeker, because her mum's gay and that just made her even more undesirable.
Attention-seeker, because she probably did very well at school too.
Attention-seeker, because she existed and did not hide it.

Attention-seeker. The term brandied to me mostly in primary school but also in secondary school for some parts. The term that justified verbal and emotional abuse for years, sanctioned by administration, ignored by the Government.

Attention-seeker, because I did pretty good in exams and competitions while hardly trying - I loved to read and picked up stuff that way.
Attention-seeker, because my love for reading (and then the Internet) meant that I was often a year or two ahead of the students.
Attention-seeker, because I was passionate about what I believe in and didn't allow myself to be silenced.
Attention-seeker, because I refused to participate in hazing sessions (whether as hazer or hazee) misleadingly named "orientation".
Attention-seeker, because I got involved in anything interesting and so was up on stage to pick up some award or another a few times a month.
Attention-seeker, because even though I was not Malay and the rest of my class was, I still was apparently the only person who knew how to fill in an exam bubble sheet right the first time (this happened in class in Std 6).
Attention-seeker, because my parents were upper-middle-class Bangladeshis and my dad was head of a Government-owned company, with almost all his other staff and peers being Malay.
Attention-seeker, because I declined a spot in the top-performing Science classes to study Literature.
Attention-seeker, because I would speak to a teacher in English and when yelled at by a classmate for "not speaking your mother tongue" I wondered if I should break out into Bengali.
Attention-seeker, for apparently making art so bad it apparently warranted taunts from teachers saying their 6-year-old does better, a demand to redo my exam piece in the middle of the text, and the teachers stopping a 12-year-old me in primary school one morning before assembly to tell me that my contribution to a poster contest was so terrible, they tore it all up.
Attention-seeker, because I had random debilitating panic attacks in Form 5 and sometimes went home early, to the point of missing an entire month before exams started.
Attention-seeker, because I did fine in exams anyway.

Attention-seeker, because I did not want my race to be a barrier or even a factor in being considered as a human being.
Attention-seeker, because I was born in Malaysia as a foreigner and didn't get permanent residency since I was 7, because my dad wasn't a diplomat that moved countries every 5 years, because I went to school with permanent residency that required me to go to a Government school that kept trying to kick me out every few years due to my permanent residency, because I was the only non-Malay in the Malay prefects meeting and the only Muslim in the non-Malay prefects meeting when they discussed who should be Head Prefect.
Attention-seeker, because I existed.

Hell I still get the same rubbish now - I recently had a big fallout with people I used to be tight with in the Brisbane burlesque world because I'm quite outspoken about issues of cultural appropriation and race representation on The Merch Girl, and that's apparently "insulting, derogatory, and pushy". People tell me that if I "cooled down on the feminism/activism" I would get more opportunities. I can't rock the boat of the people whose whole genre is all about rocking the boat, because I'm the Exotic Other and I should just accept my role as such.

Maybe Constance and I have utterly repulsive personalities, who knows. But even so, it is no excuse for absolutely reprehensive behaviour. You don't want to hang out with her at prom? Fine, but don't go deflecting her to a fake prom! You don't want to hang out with me? Fine, but don't go making me account for every single overblown news article on some Bangla crime when I'm 11. Dear God. Is there no human decency anymore!? 

Maybe we're attention seekers. So fucking what?! Why is it such a bad thing to seek attention anyway? Just because we're different doesn't mean we're shrinking violets. Just because we're asserting our presence and speaking up against injustices doesn't mean we're uppity or sanctimonious.

The more I read this, the more sick to my stomach I get. For every Constance or myself there are likely more and more kids who are facing this in school and don't have the same level of support. I wish I knew how to support them. EducateDeviate was my attempt at bringing change, but my move to Australia and change of interest put that on hold. But I still want to support the outcasts, the weirdos, the attention-seekers. I want to protect them from those that would harm them, cut them down, abuse them, hurt them, and give them significant complexes that they are still dealing with many years later.

I want to protect and support them the way I wish someone had protected and supported me.

The problem with lifestyle design blogs

If you've been around the Internet the past couple of years, you would have likely stumbled on at least one lifestyle design blog. The whole craze of streamlining aspects of your life so that you spend more time enjoying it and less time working started with Tim Ferriss's 4 Hour Work Week and has now grown into a whole blog industry, with a proliferation of blogs from people who are experimenting on how to be a non-conformist and break out from "Template Lifestyles", while selling you consulting services, self-help guidance, and reports - usually with a dose of internet marketing and doing good (though usually to benefit yourself rather than the people you're volunteering for).

Granted, quite a number of these blogs do offer valuable information on rethinking finances, finding interesting work, and a whole manner of personal development. However, in their frenzy of preaching about how lifestyle design is the BEST THING EVAR, they're overlooking a very important point.

Lifestyle design is something that is only really possible for people with privilege.

I'm not talking about "being a rich dude with a mansion" type privilege. I'm talking about the privilege of not being considered a low-class citizen intent on terrorism because you're brown and have a green passport, the privilege of having your home currency stretch very far around the world, the privilege of still being able to access a whole host of resources if you end up rock-bottom. The privilege to be able to experiment, to have lifestyle design be optional.

Here's a very clear example of this kind of alarming privilege ignorance, from The Middle Finger Project:

What this is about is showing you that the cards you’ve been dealt do not matter. They are irrelevant. What does matter, rather, are the choices you make, and how much guts you've got.

Actually, they do matter. A lot. A lot of these cards are institutionalised - the stuff that makes up privilege, the stuff that makes a difference on whether lifestyle design is a choice or a necessity for you - and won't make a difference no matter how you play them.

Your nationality, residency, and passport make a huge difference on your ability to travel and migrate - with some passports putting you automatically in the "high risk" category for visas no matter what sort of history you have. It's not as easy to just pack up and move; if you can't prove that you have a substantial amount of money and assets beforehand, they won't let you out of the country.

You don't need to be living in poverty to make lifestyle design inaccessible. Currencies from a developing country - including relatively better-off countries like Malaysia and Singapore - do not travel well, both in terms of what it can buy and also in terms of exchange rates. A filling meal costs RM5 in Malaysia, and AUD8 in Australia - about RM24. That RM5 that got you a meal back home only goes to about AUD1.50 in Australia - not enough for a drink. It works in the lifestyle designer's favour when they travel, because suddenly everything is cheap-as, but not the other way. It's funny that there's so much love for hiring outsourced assistants, saying that it's about "US10 for a week of groceries in Bangalore" and claiming that you hiring them is some form of charity social justice work - how about dealing with the global economic inequality that makes it difficult for an Indian person to buy a week of groceries in the first place?

Many countries have restrictions on work for immigrants, and some big employers have a preference for hiring "local" - though interestingly if you come from a dominant Western White background you're usually able to avoid the "immigrant" issues and be protected in an "expatriate" bubble, courted for your money and social power. Working holiday visas are severely limited, and just having an ethnic-sounding name can hinder you from getting a job (even if - and probably especially - if you're in a country with stronger currencies and better-developed social security services). It can be hard to even launch an online-only business when PayPal restricts what you can do with your money based on where you are.

For some people, lifestyle design is necessary, because a lot of the usual options that "lifestyle designers" take for granted aren't openly available. On the surface my life could be an example of "lifestyle design" - I mostly work on my own creative stuff, I set the hours, I'm not in some 9-5. But I'm not in a 9-5 because circumstances I can't control, such as my name and my Bridging Visa, are making it difficult for me to get a job, or to get any sort of assistance. Most of those fancy consulting/education packages that are making top dollar (even though I suspect they are mostly saying the same thing) are too expensive for me, and probably wouldn't apply anyway. I'm having to be supported by my parents - a move that has gotten me called a "trust-fund kid" with disdain by some people, but normal in my home culture - and also pretty necessary, given that my dad's the one with the regular job (and he's supposed to be RETIRED by now). Lifestyle design, for us, then becomes less about how to design the life of our choosing, and more about how to make the best of difficult and challenging circumstances, usually involving bureaucracy of some kind.

Yet many lifestyle design bloggers don't seem to acknowledge how much of an impact privilege holds on their ability to do what they're doing. Instead, they rudely dismiss the concerns of non-designers, not-so-subtly denigrating them for staying in a conventional "template" lifestyle (while also ignoring that for some people, it is their choice to follow a conventional life, and that's perfectly fine.) Their dismissal and ignorance smacks so strongly of the dangers of "positive thinking", of the idea that everything in your life is merely because of your "attitude" and that everything can be solved if you just adopt the right thinking.

Never mind the condescension towards people from "third-world" countries, as well as some crazy appropriating - seriously, "protecting [something] like a father protects his daughter"? Do people still buy into those stereotypes? (And how much of a bad-ass can you really be if you ended up homeless with confusing residency and had to fend for yourself without direct response marketing to save you?)

I think I need a drink.

On software and job-hunting.

I recently received a call from a recruiter, responding to a job application I made. I had been jobhunting for over a year with very little success - creative work via The Merch Girl and other courses is sporadic and unpredictable, and I needed a regular source of income that wasn't parental - so any response beyond "Sorry, no", especially over the telephone, would be greeted with excitement.

She asked me if I've typed up tenders. I haven't, specifically, but I am excellent at typing and have worked with all sorts of official documents.

"What kinds?" Almost everything - strategy plans, reports, employee handbooks, student databases, contracts, articles, marketing, the whole gamut. My typing speeds are phenomenal (78 wpm, 21900 ksph) and I knew that I could deal with tenders very easily.

"And this is all in Word?" I recall a conversation I had with another recruiter, this one more focused on getting me a job and helping me apply to more entry-level non-specific work. She had given me a link to a test on Word 2007 (most of it being "find this function hidden in a really inane spot on the toolbar and don't rely on F1"), and told me to list out all the software I was proficient in.

I was incredulous. I had enough experience with all sorts of office software, starting from Lotus 1-2-3 and Harvard Graphics in my childhood (I was a bit of a dork...) through to MS Works and Wordperfect, to the MS Office Suites, and now predominantly working with OpenOffice and Google Docs. Most office suites run the same way; if you know one, you know them all. Any hitches can easily be resolved with Help pages and Google searches. Even if I wasn't familiar with them, I could look it up easily and learn it on the spot. Listing every possible software brand would take up a whole PAGE!

Surely I could just categorise them? Office software, word processing, spreadsheets, presentations, databases, desktop publishing, accounts? According to my recruiter, no - most other recruiters and HR people are after specific keywords and won't take the time to decipher what "word processing" means, let alone work out that I am pretty flexible and can deal with any sort of software.

So I said "Yes", even though I haven't really worked with Word for at least a year now. Her next question proved my regular recruiter's point:

"Do you know Adobe?"

Well, Adobe what? I know of the company, sure, but which software do you mean? Image editing like Photoshop or Illustrator? PDF managers like Acrobat? The Macromedia suite - Dreamweaver, Flash, Shockwave - that they bought over? AIR? Film editing, sound editing, 3D? Why do you need to know?

She flustered for a bit. Stumbled. Then she asked: "Do you know Adobe Writer?"

There's no such thing as Adobe Writer!

There's Adobe Acrobat, which deals with editing and writing PDFs. But were they wanting me to edit PDFs, read PDFs, create PDFs from other documents, or just fill out PDF forms? But you don't even need anything Adobe, let alone Acrobat, to do all that. (Examples: Foxit and CutePDF.) A Google search for "adobe writer" brings you information about Acrobat.

But what does your client need? What do they hope to achieve with Adobe software? Who came up with the ad to look for "Word and Adobe Writer experts" - your client, or you?

She couldn't quite answer. She just said that she didn't feel I'm quite right, but she'll keep screen, and she'll keep me on file for something else. Which is fair enough, I guess.

What doesn't seem fair is penalising people who grew up around computers and technology because they have the ability to switch and you don't have the ability to think laterally. Do recruiters even know what they're looking for? Do they understand the software they ned? What about the companies - what do they know? Do they only ask because it seems like they need to ask?

If you're a digital native, like I am, you're probably very familiar with switching between OSes and computers and working out how to run a program through context and visual clues. Yet apparently, for some reason, people with the power to hire you can't seem to give you enough trust that you do know what you are doing.

How many others have lost jobs because they said OpenOffice instead of Word? How often do computerised resume scanners catch context?

exhausting conversations.

It's the same old thing, every time.

You share discussions on possible problematic uses of cultural appropriation and call out people who are ignoring their privelege. You get people asking you why you find it problematic, and you talk about how people are still being exploited for their cultural heritage, while they themselves aren't able to fully embrace their own cultural heritage without being significantly disadvantaged or discriminated against. About how it's part of larger patterns, about how it's so ingrained many don't realise it, about how people need to be more aware and take more responsibility for what they do and say.

Then those question-askers drag you into convoluted pleas of "how dare you say I'm privileged!". They say that because you have privilege your opinions are automatically invalid. They claim that you pointing out how unfair it is that someone from a dominant class can get away with looking "exotic" while the locals still suffer is "racist and elitist". And then, because you brought up examples of how this affects you now, you get told you're "taking this personally".

It's the same old patterns, the same old arguments and derails. You find yourself resending links to Racialicious, the Invisible Knapsack, to Derailing for Dummies. People much more learned and patient than you have researched this for many many years before you even started thinking about it. There's only so much you can convey in 140 characters.

You feel like a parrot. You feel like you are a recording machine stuck in a loop. You are drained. You have gone through this exact conversation how many times now? And you're still hearing the same old, same old.

(And it's frightening how it's only ever people in that Dominant Class that get all upset and repetitive. Thank goodness for those others that are being and spreading awareness.)

You've been living this directly since you were a child. You have been debating this for years. You're exhausted. You wish you could stop, that you could just ignore this and it will all go away.

But you know you can't wish it away. You know it will not go away that quickly, not at least when you're alive.

Not when your name and passport still affects your ability to get a job.
Not when you are automatically classified as "High Risk" by government agencies just for your parents' origins.
Not when speaking another language gets you told off - "hey, speak the NATIONAL LANGUAGE you fool!"
Not when your self-worth and acceptance hinges on having a skin colour, size, and features that are alien to you.
Not when just wearing something from your culture or having an accent gets you "go back to your country!!"...if you're lucky and escape physical harm.
Not when people take your appearance as an excuse to crack stupid jokes, to subconsciously place you into pigeonholes, to deny you your voice and claim to speak for you.
Not when you are denied access to welfare, to funding, to scholarships, to education, to credit - unless you can prove that you are not a dangerous dole-bludging (what dole?) FOBbie.
Not when people refuse to listen to you because you sound different, but take in your words when said by someone who looks more "normal".
Not when you are still judged against an arbitrary "normal".

Even if you decide to stop, even if you decide to just shut up - you will still face this. Over and over. People and structures will still take advantage. You will still be pigeonholed, be ostracised. And they will still keep doing this, because no one's told them the problems, because people are excusing them and celebrating their behaviour and refusing to look at the consequences. Because people have pride and when you tell them they're doing something problematic, instead of working out what the problem was, they accuse you of being accusatory.

And the patterns go on. And the debates are smothered because the other side is too tired to stand up for themselves. Because they're accused of "not following the rules" of discussion - rules set by the Dominant Class without any consultation on their end. Rules that disadvantage them from the very start.

If only it was that easy to say "I'll stop now". But until I stop being discriminated against just for anything that makes me "foreign", until the structures that keep these attitudes flowing are dismantled and new structures of real diversity and intergration are established, until I decide to submit to abuses of power and just accept that I will always be pigeonholed and put away and ignored -

- I can't stop talking.

Australian immigration - too many pointless changes

I am currently applying for permanent residency in Australia. As a (possibly) perpetual permanent resident in Malaysia and holder of a Bangladesh passport, as well as a relative to many migrants, I am very familiar with the pains and hassles of the visa and residency process. Every country in the world makes it unnecessarily difficult for someone to be a resident (let alone a permanent resident or a citizen), especially if you come from a developing country, particularly one filled with potential migrants. Financial checks, character checks, layers upon layers of bureaucracy...the whole process is a mess, and yet the People in Charge never seem to think of the real-life effects of their always-changing policies.

Just yesterday the current Australian Immigration Minister Chris Evans announced that they are automatically rejecting 20,000 applications - all of whom applied before late 2007 under relaxed rules. My application was made last year so hopefully it won't be part of the churn, but the prospect of my app suddenly being cut due to the whims and fancies of whoever's in charge is frightening.

Evans claims that they are building a more targeted list of skills needed and basing applications on that, with priority given to people who already have jobs lined up. Just that last line shows how out of touch with reality the Australia Government is when it comes to migrants. Based on my experiences, and from talking to other migrants (past and present), here's what I see is problematic with current Australian immigration policy:

1. The current "skills" database isn't really a list of skills, but a list of occupations. It totally disregards the fact that many people nowadays, especially young people, don't just belong to an occupation - they often multitask, transferring skills between one occupation to another. An architect, a hairdresser, and an executive all share skills in design, problem solving, research, knowing their client, application of ideas and concepts - yet they're all treated differently.

2. Newer industries, such as the Creative Industries, are not represented in the Skills list at all. Each occupation is given a number of points according to demand, and applicants need to meet a minimum number of points to have their application approved. However, there are a lot of occupations that don't give you points at all. Anything to do with the creative industries, for example, doesn't get you points - you need to already be hired as that role for that "skill" to be useful. The only CI-related occupations I could think of that are pointed are journalistic skills - but they favour traditional media over new media, not considering that traditional media sources are currently losing ground. They claim to be updating this list, but I don't think they'll get out of their left-brain science/health kick.

3. You can only claim one "skilled occupation" on the list, regardless of your abilities. If I could claim more than one skill on that list, I'd have about 300 points easy - stage management, production, journalism, marketing, all sorts. But I could only claim one. As I said before, the list doesn't account for people who have worked across occupations and industries, and those that have changed careers. Wouldn't Australia be happy to have people that are flexible and can adapt?

4. Determining your "skilled occupation" doesn't actually involve your past experience, but rather your degree (and now where you've worked for a year). If my CV had anything to do with the occupation I could choose for my PR application, I'd be some version of youth or community worker. However, my CV and gobs of experience within the Brisbane community didn't matter one bit. According to my degree, I was qualified to be a Print Journalist (even though I haven't written for any Australian print media). They've now added a new rule saying the degree wasn't enough - you need to have one year's worth of work experience to claim it. Yet how many students are actually able to get a skilled job while doing a full-time degree (until very recently international students couldn't do part-time study) continuously over a year? Volunteering doesn't count, personal projects doesn't count, ad-hoc or short-but-regular projects (like festivals) don't count. It also significantly disadvantages people who change their minds after their degree, or who took a degree in one thing but realised that their skills and passions lay elsewhere - perhaps somewhere without a degree available.

5. It is extremely difficult for international students and migrants (especially people on Bridging visas) to get any sort of employment. The reasoning behind all these changes is the idea that migrants should be able to get a job in Australia. However, it ignores the fact that migrants are already significantly disadvantaged in the job market. Here's how:

• Stigma against minorities - just having an ethnic-sounding name can disqualify you from fair job prospects. Then they see your green passport and visa and positively freak out.
• Company policies (written or otherwise) against hiring people on student/Bridging visas due to possible lack of permanence - QUT's HR Department actually tried to tell me that they have a policy against hiring people with Bridging visas since we had no end date. It wasn't in their policy documents at all.
• Temporary residents (a.k.a. not PRs or citizens) are not allowed access to options that help with their job search - no Centrelink, grants, scholarships, skills training, Recognition of Prior Learning, job assistance, mentoring programs-  basically anything Government-funded. (Which means stuff like YAQ's JUMP and YAMP programs are right out too.) Any options tha are available, such as further study, still charge full-fee rates, which are prohibitively expensive.
• International students can only work about 20 hours a week - most part-time jobs want at least 25, and they want 9-5 hours too (which clash with uni study).

Employers don't want to hire people without a permanent visa. They won't even interview you. But the Government won't give you a visa unless you have a job. Chicken and egg?

6. It doesn't encourage entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurs should be welcomed by Australia - they create jobs and opportunities, they stimulate the economy. Even people who don't make for-profit businesses, such as artsworkers or community developers, still enhance Australia's culture and lifestyle in major ways. These people are dedicating part of their existence to the betterment of Australia - but are not given any resources, support, or recognition for it. Sure, their immediate community may welcome them, but they're not the ones with the power of the Visa. The focus on jobs actually discourages entrepreneurship and innovation - you're expected to fit into a mold. Yet with the Global Financial Crisis, the idea of a "job" has changed so much - we need to rethink what it means to be employed.

7. The Immigration Department makes changes quicker than they, or anyone else, can keep up with them. Notice how they still had applications from 2007 that were unprocessed. A few months ago they mentioned more changes that would likely make my application only processed by 2012! At that rate I should skip over permanent residency and get citizenship on the spot! Yet they change the rules every year, less than that even - and expect everyone to change their lifestyles immediately to follow suit. Worse of all, they make it retroactive - so if you applied before the rules changed, and you followed everything to the letter, bad luck anyway. What a waste of time and resources for everyone involved - at least clear the backlog first before you start making sweeping changes.

8. There are no recourses for people who are suddenly negatively affected by the rule changes. 20,000 people are going to get a letter saying that even though they followed the rules, their applications will be denied because the Immigration Minister changed his mind. These people have sacrificed years of their lives, sources of income, family connections, possibly their passions and livelihoods, and have willingly put themselves through the gauntlet that is the immigration process - only to have all their hard work thrown away. The whole process costs thousands of dollars - sure, they'll refund the fee, but can you refund lost time? Some have started lives in Australia - are you going to help them transition? Will they be deported because they haven't left fast enough? The process is invasive and stressful - comprehensive health checks (even HIV!), bank checks, police checks, family trees, what have you. But there's nothing to compenstate for that.

9. The English language requirements completely disregard the degree. You need to score at least a 6 in your IELTS tests to qualify (the highest is 9, I got 8). The tests are only valid for 2 years, so the one you took to get to Australia to study in the first place likely won't be valid. The fact that you did an English language degree apparently doesn't mean anything to anyone. Also, if you scored pretty high on your first IELTS test, surely your English can't have deteriorated from living and studying in Australia? (I do feel that local Australians' command of the language leaves something to be desired, but that's another rant...)

Visas disgust me in general, but this especially makes me frustrated. So many vulnerable people - young people, arts and humanities, people living non-traditional lives - affected by stupid unrealistic policies. So many of us came to Australia because there were communities that supported us (I don't thinK I could do half the stuff that I do back in Malaysia). Yet, even though there are Australians who would welcome us with open arms, the Government doesn't seem to care.

You want to know why there are illegal migrants? Because things like these just show what a big sham the whole process is. Why bother putting yourself through the wringer if you're only going to end up worse than you are before?

Yet the only time the Australian public ever gets to know about things like these are when it affects someone from a developed, privileged country. Today Tonight or the Courier Mail will report about a British person that now doesn't have a visa and they make such a big deal about "how terrible!" it all is. But this is the reality for many migrants out there, especially from developing countries. Yet because we're not white, we don't get the press. We deserved it after all, filthy people fresh off the boats.

The Immigration policies definitely need a reform. However, they need a reform that is realistic, humanistic, and takes into account the real-world experiences of migrants and current job-seekers. At the very least, talk to migrants about what they experience. Don't just make up a whole bunch of rules, fail to keep up with them, and then just say "Ooops, we're sorry you're disappointed."

Dear Malaysian mainstream media (and also, dear Jacqueline Ann Surin)

So I hear there is (or was) a boycott against Kosmo! and the people that run the paper for an obituary on Yasmin Ahmad that revealed her gender past.

It’s true that close friends and family had found the article insensitive, though there are also those (like myself) who felt the the reaction, moreso than the article, reflected Malaysia’s homophobia and transphobia by treating Yasmin’s gender as something to be ashamed of. Indeed, in the bigger scheme of things, there were a lot worse articles printed in the Malaysian papers that didn’t get such an outcry.

Like how, for many years in the 90s – and still now, every so often – Bangladeshis were always painted in the news as women-stealing dirty thieving criminals. No other race (aside from any other labourer race) was ever pointed out for their crimes; no other race had “XYZ, a Chinese/Malay/Indian criminal” attached to their heading. Even though they were often exploited and they made up a very small percentage of Malaysia’s official crime.

I had to deal with continuous questioning from my teachers and peers about my race. I was told multiple times to “go back to my country”. I was expected, at eleven years of age, to atone for the sins of my countrymen (however small they were) – and to be thick-skinned whenever I heard another slur, whenever I was blocked out of receiving what I deserved. I had politicians report year after year about how “those Banglas” were blue-eyed horny men out to get “our women”. I still hear those sentiments now.

Were there boycotts then? No. No one gave a damn. Instead, when I went to the BRATs workshop in 2003, I asked Tan Ju Eng of The Star about it, and she told me it was their responsibility as a public service. A “public service” that singled out an entire race and caused much personal strife and tension. No apologies.

And what about 2001, when there was plenty of demonization of young people and youth culture supposedly over Black Metal? Alleged groups of youth stomping holy books and sacrificing goats at rock concerts? Condemnation of anything remotely Pagan? And the hysteria about hip-hop and “sex parties” that soon followed? There were the odd articles supporting young people, and I remember one magazine taking Harian Metro to task for using photos of their gig and claiming it was a sex-fest. But were there boycotts against Harian Metro or any other press that sought to sensationalise youth? No.

Every so often in the Malaysian papers I will see anti-gay sentiments, anti-Semitic sentiments, anti-nonMalay-Muslim sentiments, all sorts of rubbish. And yet no one’s ever found it fit to call a boycott. Why? Because you won’t then have an opportunity to harp on Twitter (or wherever) about how you’re doing it right by publishing 4 pages?

If you’re going to proclaim big things like a boycott, be consistent. No need for hypocrisy.

And while we’re on that…

Dear Jacqueline Ann Surin,

If you’re going to fuss about Kosmo using personal details then may I ask why you saw it fit to eavesdrop on a private conversation between myself and Asha Gill in 2005, and then publish to the world in Off the Edge that Tiara Shafiq, university student and webmistress to Asha Gill, was holed up sick in her dormitory? You used it as an anecdote for Asha’s open heart, but neither Asha nor I had given you permission to publish that.

I had people in university asking me about it. Granted, it wasn’t the most humiliating thing ever, but it did make me sound like a young kid unable to take care of herself. The Malaysian reading public didn’t need to know that I was ill, that Asha was trying to coax me out of bed. I thought Asha had told you, and I let my annoyance known at her; she was very surprised and told me that she hadn’t told you directly, only that the phone conversation happened at the same time as the interview. The interview was with Asha not with me!

It’s funny that we were both at the 2006 AWAM Writers for Women’s Rights event; I think you might have worked out who I am. I understand you are well-respected within Malaysian journalists and creatives. I myself wouldn’t have kicked such a fuss – for what point really? – but your article about Kosmo being “sensationalistic” felt very ironic and somewhat hypocritical after that experience.

Doing things for fun

When I was at school there were quite a few sports teams, as well as the once-famous Marching Band and Choir and a few different things. My school – a ‘premier’ school, which translates to ‘grade-crazy cattle station’ – was very competitive, and that attitude trickled down to the clubs & societies.

You see, you couldn’t really join the clubs unless you were good at that activity. Well, you could, but you’d be relegated to something like Secretary/Minute-Taker and not be able to join in much of the activities – which is usually training for a big game. The major ones like Marching Band spent the first few weeks of the term hazing all the newbies – making them do all their chores and serve their seniors’ whim. Only when they ‘proved their mettle’ were they allowed to have fun.

This attitude lingers on after school. Past-times and hobbies were no longer encouraged. Anything you did had to fit one of the following categories:

• You were making lots of money from it – or at least enough to support yourself and your extended family and anyone else that might need your money
• You were extremely talented; indeed you were the Best in the World, winning prestigious awards
• It got you into a Prestigious High-Class University like Harvard/Oxford/Cambridge or got you employed in a Prestigious High-Class Company
• You gave all your energy to Save The World and your efforts were totally altruistic; children can now eat 5 meals a day thanks to you

otherwise? Pointless! go do something useful.

Even in places where the above elements aren’t emphasized so much, there’s still that expectation of Doing Your One True Passion. That one thing that will Change Your Life and Make You Happy and so on. Find out what that One Thing is, and you will live happily ever after!

What happened to doing things just for fun? To doing things just for the heck of it?

Why do people need to have just one main interest? Why do their interests need to be moneymakers or fame-givers to be valid? Why is it only worth doing something well?

People are so scared of failing, or of succeeding and getting grief from jealous people, or of wasting their effort and time. Well no wonder! Nobody ever teaches us about intrinsic value. About doing things just for its own sake. Instead, everything gets assigned some sort of extrinsic value – money, meaning, love, whatever.

You can’t just make art because it’s fun. No, you have to create longwinded artistic statements and prove your mettle as a serious artist looking to make this your sole career.
You can’t just play sports because it’s fun. No, you have to train up to pro level, show up at the pool or court every day 5 hours a day at least, get the best equipment and the best gear and join all the competitions.
You can’t just volunteer with a charity because it’s fun. No, you have to be totally selfless and suffer as much as you can so that the people you’re saving will not have to suffer ever again.

Bugger that!

Quite a few world-changing major-impact things came about because the creator thought it was fun. The founder of Doctors without Borders (MSF – Medecines Sans Frontieres?) started MSF because he was bored of plastic surgery and wanted a challenge. Not necessarily because he had grand aims of Changing the World. But that happened anyway.

Did Leonardo da Vinci make his art and write his scientific journals because he wanted to Make an Impact that will Stand The Test of Time? Probably not. Probably he did what he did because he enjoyed it. (The paintings may be commissioned, I’m not sure.)

I used to be absolutely passionate about writing. Like crazy prolific. Mainly fanfiction and short fiction, and the fanfiction wasn’t all that great, but it was still writing and it was fun. I did have big dreams of being a famous writer and published author and all that – because I loved it so much that I couldn’t imagine anything else.

Then I took creative writing as a submajor in university. And my passion was murdered.

Murdered by the expectation to make my work sale-able. The 4s (like a D) because my highly personal characters were “unrealistic”. The swing of grades depending on who marked my paper. My heart and soul poured into words hacked into pieces by people who thought my internal struggles didn’t make sense for the buying public.

I didn’t care whether my writing was sale-able or not! I wrote as therapy, to indulge and comfort myself, to express things I wasn’t able to say straight out. Screw grades! I just wanted to share myself.

I’ve had an interest in performing on and off my whole life, though strongly on now. It was hard for me to get more involved in the past since I was always blocked by people who would rather have their friends on stage and relegate me to “Scriptwriter” because I was the only person that could actually write a script. (That’s when we were even allowed to be on stage in the first place.) I remember my dad trying to placate me to go to uni by sending me brochures of major acting schools in Australia like NIDA (we have family friends in the country)…I almost laughed at him; they won’t accept me, I’ve never had an acting lesson in my life! How the heck was I supposed to audition! They weren’t going to take people doing this for fun, Dad.

And it seems the avenues for doing it for fun keep getting smaller and smaller.

As a teen I believed that the only way you were able to sing was to be signed on a major label and be famous. Now I see so many garage bands starting up. My current foray into stage performance has shown me quite a few amateur avenues – but I’m also brushing up against people who’re in it to get ahead or push their own way or something and make life difficult for those who just want to have fun. If you’re not continually working on it, you’re Not Serious Enough, and we Just Can’t Have That.

I just launched the website for The Merch Girl. It’s a commercial venture, but realistically I’d be surprised if I made more than $100 a year since I’m targeting my services at indie/emerging projects that don’t have a lot of cash. Yet it’s so hard to get support because they all want business plans that account for large cashflow and high profitability, or they want proof that you are a Dedicated Career Artist – I’ve hardly created enough to be a “Real Artist”! (Also, my interests tend to shift every 4 years or so anyway) But I don’t want to stress out over making The Merch Girl financially sustainable either. I don’t want to lose my interest in creative production work – something I find fun – because I can’t make ends meet.

Let’s lose the expectations. Let’s lose the need to prove ourselves. Let’s just do things for the heck of it.

Let’s have fun.

Visa quagmires. (EDIT: Possible solution!)

OK. So I’ve just received some new information about the Temporary Graduate visa I was going to apply for, and now my head’s in a tizzy.

1. The Temporary Graduate visa takes at least SIX months to be processed. This made me yelp because I do not want to be in Malaysia (well, Ulu Tiram) for six months. There’s nothing to do and I’ll stagnate in there. I’d lose half a year of circus training and just end up atrophying in front of my computer like I usually do.

HOWEVER

2. Apparently once you lodge your application you are NOT ALLOWED to leave Australia. You are given a Bridging visa that lets you stay in Australia legally while the other visa’s being processed. I’ve heard “you can’t leave” to “you can only leave for compassionate reasons” to “you can stay, or you can leave”. I don’t know if you are given the Bridging visa immediately or if you have to apply for it and wait (hopefully not for months). Some bridging visas give you working rights, but I have to check that too.

I’m cool with remaining in Australia for as long as I need to. I can continue circus training, learn burlesque and pole, do fun stuff, get involved (there’s TONS of things happening in the next couple of months), and actually apply for jobs without wondering about whether I’d be around long enough to start work. However, there are a few issues here:

• I am running out of money. I have less than $200 in my account, which is just enough to last me until the 27th – the date I was supposed to fly out to Malaysia. I have been looking for jobs, but without luck – I haven’t had an interview, and people are generally reluctant to hire folks with immigration issues (like myself). I’ve been doing casual and part-time gigs here and there, but they haven’t been enough to cover major expenses.

• I need a place to live. Currently I’m sharing a room with Mark (in the same apartment with Nikki, who has her own room). While we generally get along, being in the same small room as Mark 24/7 has really taken a toll on our relationship. The room’s only meant for one person, so there’s not enough space for our clothes, our computers, and so on. We end up being pissed off at each other, or feeling cramped. We had a long conversation about this last night where we came to the conclusion that we work better with having our own working spaces (or at least a working space that’s separated from the bedroom) but sharing a bed, instead of having everything “on top of each other”. Any longer in our current situation, though, and things may get really ugly. (Those of you who received a message from me saying “We all live and die alone” – this was part of the impetus.)

• My parents will be pissed off. They’ve been wishy-washy about me being in Australia – a few months ago, when I was going through a deep depression and just wanted to get out of everything, they were so eager for me to be a PR that they even got all the forms and hired agents before I was ready. Now, though, they keep dropping anvil-sized hints about “taking a break” by coming back to Malaysia, forgetting about Australia because we’re apparently getting Malaysian citizenship anyway (after waiting my whole life!), and besides circus doesn’t give you a future so why bother. (There’s a looooooooong story behind this.) They were willing to support my visa costs, but were more willing to pay for everything if I lived in Johor. Even my dad says on the phone, “You know, we’re allowing you to apply this visa to make you happy…” and doesn’t get it when I say it’s not a question of me being allowed or not allowed to do something. When they find out the quagmire I’m in, they’re likely going to conclude that I’m so disorganised and it’s such a hassle that they’re not willing to cover the AU$3000+ cost for the visa and paperwork – “just go home!”

The factor that complicated this is my student visa. It’s valid till the 30th of August, but due to credit transfers I’m graduating a semester ahead of schedule. I called up DIMIA a few months ago asking about my visa and they told me that my student visa stops being valid as soon as I graduate (this Tuesday). With this understanding, my parents booked tickets for the 27th – graduate, put in application (even though I can only apply around the 7th of April because I have to wait for my IELTS results to be released), go home, wait for approval. But if my new information is correct, I can’t go home at all. Not a loss for me – but a big source of trouble for them. I had already delayed my return date twice.

I sent an email to the migration agent I visited in February asking for clarification, and CC’d my family. If they read the email they’ll hopefully see my side of the situation. My parents are currently in the Middle East and will be in Australia just before my graduation – I don’t know if they’ll get the chance to even read the email beforehand. And we have 3 days between the graduation and someone having to go back on the flight. Or something.

ARGH!

I’d love to remain in Australia; I just need the following:

• A job, or enough money to live on
• Somewhere to live – cheap or free rent, good people, utilities included, not dodgy (I’ve had two renting experiences that didn’t go so great; I’m worried to go renting now!!). Hell, I’d go live with my burlesque teacher and be her apprentice if she’d let me. Or something.
• My expenses and needs taken care of
• Some way of going back legally (there’s a Bridging Visa variant that lets you do this) – my sister’s getting married in July! Ironically she’s more supportive of my plan than my parents are!
• Less stress – I already had such a stressful night talking with Mark about our future, starting over, whether we cope well together, and so on. I couldn’t sleep at all. Now this is just giving me a greater headache.
• A guardian angel

I was doing so well. I had dreams! There were things I wanted to do! There were people here who wanted me around! I found the people that care for me and want me back here! And now this?

I’m running out of things I can do in the mundane world. I’ve asked for advice, I’m getting the paperwork sorted, I’ve told my parents. Sometimes I wonder if my parents are praying for me to just come back to Malaysia and drop this Australia thing – they are in the holiest Muslim place in the world. Can prayers override each other? If I asked all my spiritual and magical friends to pray and spellcast and wish and who-knows-what for my visa success, for my dream life to be true, for my wave of joy and good fortune to return – will it work against the wishes of my parents which seem to be conflicting? (If you are a magical person, feel free to do whatever ritual you want towards my aid. Or pray for me. Whatever works for you. You have my eternal gratitude.)

URGH! I hate visas. Hate them so much.

EDIT EDIT EDIT! POSSIBLE SOLUTION!

I just took a shower and I think I’ve come up with a solution that suits everybody.

1. Graduate on the 24th. Get degree cert to apply for VETASSESS. Go talk to immigration agent to see if this plan holds water.
2. Go back to Malaysia on the 27th.
3. Receive IELTS results by mail around mid-April. (This is the main thing stopping me from making an application now.)
4. Go back to Australia either on the student visa (risky, but it does say “valid till 30 August 2009” on it and apparently people have done this before) or on a tourist visa (a bit of a hassle, and costs a bit, but it only takes a day and there are cheap flights) by end of April with IELTS results and other paperwork stuffage.
5. Apply for Temp Grad visa.
6. Get Bridging visa. Possibly ask for modification to go overseas in July.
7. Live in Australia for as long as I need to.
8. Rock on.

!!!!!

The main things here are the flight back to Australia and the visa to come back. A little bit of extra cost, but possibly worth it?? My parents will have me back (though I hope they don’t kick up a fuss that it’s not as long as they’d like), I get to come back to Australia early, and I get to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive.

YAY!

Visas are a pain.

Visas.

The massive sticker you get in your passport that allow you to visit countries and (hopefully) not get deported.

I hate them.

Being a holder of a Bangladesh passport means that I need visas for almost every country in the planet. Usually I’m placed in a “high-risk” category, which means I have to surrender my financial documents (and that of my parents, since at the moment they’re my main source of money), my education and work history, letters from who knows what about who knows where, my last few addresses in the past 5 years…everything. And I have to wait a lot longer.

Being a Malaysian resident means that I’m usually dealing with visa offices in KL that aren’t used to dealing with SO MUCH paperwork from one person. (Well, except for the US office, who seem to collect paperwork like it’s going extinct.) Many questions about when I migrated to Malaysia (never; I was born in Malaysia), about why I don’t have a Malaysian passport (because permanent residents don’t get passports), about why I’m not a Malaysian citizen (because your lack of a jus soli policy and convoluted citizenship process means that I have to wait forever to even apply for citizenship. And we’re still waiting.).

My family tries to get long-term multiple-entry visas whenever possible. 5 years for the US. A year or so for the UK. 5 years for Australia. That way we won’t have to deal with the paperwork hassles more than once. We’re all keen travellers – I first flew when I was 40 days old and have been overseas an average of 1.5 times a year since – though we would be keener travellers if it wasn’t such a pain in the arse!

In late 2007 I was accepted to the admissions workshop for KaosPilots Stockholm . I had one week to get there. I knew if I asked my parents for permission it’d be too late. The morning I heard the news, I raced to the Swedish visa office for help.

She looked at me sceptically. Young student, third-world passport unrelated to Australia, last minute? I begged and told her my circumstances. I brought as much paperwork as I had on me. She said that even Australians need at least two weeks for a tourist visa, but she’ll call the Sydney office and check.

To the surprise of both of us, the Sydney office said yes. On one condition: I had to get a plane ticket, bank statements, and university letter sorted by 2pm that afternoon.

I had about $4000 in my account. I had 4 hours. No time to hesitate.

In a big flurry of activity (and quite a bit of time sitting in front of a Flight Centre lady working out the cheapest routes that won’t require me getting another visa) I dropped over $2000 on a ticket to Stockholm, got my bank accounts sorted, and got a letter from the university saying that I was a full-time student. I rushed them over to the Sweden office with the rest of my paperwork and my passport. In the hours after, I contacted KaosPilots with plenty of requests for faxes and official letters.

And I waited. And waited.

Two or three days before I was scheduled to leave, I got a phonecall from the office saying that my visa has been approved and that my passport was ready for collection. Record timing.

Oh god.

I called my parents. They didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “What? You got a VISA? You’re going WHERE? You spent HOW MUCH? That money was for YOUR EDUCATION!!!” Too late to object; I was off.

I spent a crazy winter week in Stockholm, Copenhagen, and Aarhus (hey, while you’re in the other side of the world, might as well check the rest of the place out). I rode a ferry and an interstate train. I lived in a hostel boat and with someone from Couchsurfing. I lived on crispbread and salmon on tubes for breakfast.

On the flight(s) back I had two 10+-hour layovers – Tokyo and Sydney. In Tokyo I heard that I was rejected from the KaosPilots. In Sydney my flight was cancelled and I had to fight to get a flight home.

It was crazy, it was stressful, and at the end it was heartbreaking, but I’m so glad I did it. Mainly because it showed that I could get a visa on my own legitimately.

I’m not always going to be so lucky though. I could have ended up like NJ Thompson and get stuck at the border because Seth Godin’s Alt-MBA isn’t considered accredited enough for internationals. That’s the best case scenario. I could end up being stuck in detention, starved for 24 hours, and deported (I’m not surprised that the family turned out to be Bangladeshi, despite being Australian citizens – Bangladeshis get a hard time at immigration everywhere). I could get stuck in limbo because neither country really wants me. I could end up with a record against me for no reason. Or I could end up with a sexist idiot.

All those examples involve US immigration, which have some of the most fucked-up immigration policies in the world. However, this doesn’t mean I’m immune everywhere else. No matter where I go, I’ll always face visa issues. I can’t even get a visa to Singapore most times because “just visiting” isn’t a “legit” option – and I live right next door! Whenever I fly back to Malaysia I’m quizzed about my lack of visa and my PR card flummoxes them. Sometimes I get asked a lot of questions. However, I get it easy. If I were male, I would be detained as soon as I arrived.

I’m interested in conferences and alternative education programs, but there’s no easy way to get visas for them mainly because you’re not really a student (in the conventional sense) or an employee or a trainee. Most places can’t really be bothered to help beyond an “official invite letter”.

There was a campaign by young European activists about having visa-free options for young Europeans, or at least “youth visas” that are easy to apply for – I support that idea. A lot of young people travel but visas hamper their journeys so much. How can a young person necessarily hold at least $50,000 cash? Why limit world travel to just the privileged few, when opening up borders will result in better integration and understanding of multiple cultures? There are the working holiday visas, which are a great idea – except that they’re limited to certain countries. I can’t even get a special visa to work as a camp counsellor in the US because they’re not offered to Bangladeshis. Whoopdedoo.

I am considering being an Australian permanent resident, working my way up to an Australian passport. I like Australia and it’d be nice to have my base here. However, Australian immigration doesn’t make it easy for me to even get a general migrant visa. You need to nominate a “Skilled Occupation”, and that depends solely on your degree – nothing else. All those volunteer and work experiences? Count for nothing. My degree is Creative Industries (Interdisciplinary). That doesn’t really fit most, if any, of the Skilled Occupations with points. Most jobs I’m best suited for don’t have strict titles and may not pay the minimum. And again, my experience doesn’t count.

The experience that does count require me to get training that allows me to legally pursue those lines of work (such as working with children). To get the training I need a visa. Catch-22!

If I had it my way, visas would never exist in the first place. Everyone gets a UN passport and has freedom to travel. We can’t have a global community if we keep fencing ourselves from each other.