I was on SBS Insight recently to be on a forum about intelligence. I had responded to a call for comments and they thought it was interesting that I qualified for Mensa but didn’t find any use in it.
I had just returned from Island Vibe at Stradbroke Island so I had circus on the brain. Myself and my friend Joel (who’s a physicist and a performer) were mainly asked about what we think intelligence is, if we faced any challenges – simple stuff. They had 6-year-old Albie who’s really bright but also really restless, and I ADORED her – she was so much like me as a kid and I just wanted to smuggle her squeeeee.
I was also on the webchat with a few of the other guests – psychologists, researchers, a Rhodes Scholar-cum-Olympian. I felt distinctly underqualified! There was a lot of discussion about school and learning so my alternative education background came in handy!
The entire show will be online on the SBS website so feel free to check me out some time. Some things that got cut out from the airing or that I didn’t get to say:
A lot of IQ tests – and a lot of the definitions of success and intelligence – are constricted by privilege and culture. Another guest talked about opportunity – maybe high IQ people tend to live longer and be richer because they come from backgrounds that allowed them better healthcare and education to begin with! Tests don’t often control for that, and yet we tend to judge people on a factor that has too many variables for it to be useful.
I qualified for Mensa in 2007 after taking the test on a lark (one of those Things I Must Do In My Lifetime things). I joined for a year but didn’t get much value out of the organisation – the meetings didn’t interest me (mostly puzzles) and the magazine was too full of “We’re so smart! Let’s talk about how smart we are and how people don’t appreciate us!”. I was hoping for more efforts to do something productive, like volunteer work or creative work…but nothing. Towards the end of my membership year there were some efforts to have a Young Mensans meetup in Brisbane, which would have been cool, but not enough to entice me to keep joining.
I actually made a plug for my circus group Vulcana Women’s Circus but that got edited out :P It was in response to intelligence and communicating – I talked about how my ideas for performance work were more intellectual and that I found it very challenging to step out of my brain and express myself physically. It takes a different sort of intelligence to be able to convey abstract concepts into visuals, actions, music, costume, moves.
They showed Morris dancing in the show and I smiled when they said that dancing was scientifically one of the best ways for older people to retain brain cognition. I was a little annoyed at someone who said that there was no hope for people to improve their skills beyond a certain age, that intelligence is stable – my circus director started at 40 and she rocks! If you put the effort in it and you’re open to learning then most things can happen for you. There are opportunities out there. And man, performance totally does magic for your intelligence – it challenges you in a big way.
Some people in the forum were talking about taking supplements for intelligence so that they can get better jobs and pass university and such. I’m supposedly high-IQ (According to Mensa) and I’m finding it hard to find a job. The creative industries is a hard place to break into sustainably, but also there are more factors to job success than just your intelligence – heck I’d wager to say it’s one of the least considered factors. It’s not like I advertise my Mensa membership on my resume. That said: hey people coming here from SBS Insight – want to sponsor or hire me ? :D
Feel free to continue the chat here if you’d like!
I’ve just started a project on Kickstarter to raise funds for a couple of basic items – public liability insurance and business name registration. I might be the first non-American (thanks Leah for your help!) – this is very exciting!!
Please help out however you can. Every dollar helps. Thank you so much!
What was originally going to be a proposal for The Edge at the State Library of Queensland to hire me became a somewhat extended CV about getting involved with the Brisbane Creative Industries. (Not just Brisbane either but that’s a starting point.)
Do come by, check it out, and please pass the link on to anyone you feel will benefit. Thanks so much!
I originally wrote this for Chris Guillebeau’s Art of Non-Conformity contest about a month ago. I didn’t win, but Chris liked it, and since it’s about burlesque I’ll post it here for you! It’s also on The Merch Girl.
“Burlesque” originally came from the Italian word burla, to “send up” or mock – in this case, making fun of the high-brow entertainment of the time. Nowadays it’s become code for vintage glamour, corsets and red feathers, and sparkly pasties. You don’t have to be a star tassel-twirler to incorporate burlesque into your unconventional life. Here’s a few ideas on sending up with sass and shimmy:
Embrace horrible prettiness – style yourself how you want to, not just how you’re expected to.
The term “horrible prettiness” was used by Robert Clyde Allen in 1991 to describe the paradox of a burlesque dancer: ladylike and feminine in dress, but loud and raunchy and bawdy in behaviour. Burlesque performers didn’t worry about gender norms; they wore what they liked and acted how they liked. Drop the fashion magazines and the etiquette guides, and let your imagination take the lead! Shave your head, wear a pink frilly dress, and run a marathon in the woods. Deck out in combat boots and a Navy uniform – then invite everyone over for a nice cup of tea and a sit-down. I don’t really have a set style to speak of – I tend to mix up ethnic Asian, Goth, corporate, and saloon girl. Even if you are hardened and gritty and rough around the edges, you can still indulge in a little boylesque:
Do things on a whim.
Does that hat look interesting but not typically “your style”? Curious about an adventure class but you’ve never hiked in your life? Doesn’t matter! No one is keeping a tally on how consistently you live life. If you are curious about something that seems out-of-character, follow that curiosity and sees where it leads you. There’s no harm in trying on a dress you’d otherwise never wear, or signing on for a class that seems out of your depth. You’ll never know until you try! It could very well change your life – or at the very least give you some conversation material. I started going to burlesque classes partly to prepare for my first stage role (in The Vagina Monologues – I played the dominatrix) and also because I had just finished university in a foreign country and wanted to do something I wouldn’t be able to do back home. Six months later, I’ve hung around, and I end up being interviewed on radio for my debut public routine:
Every performer will face some mishap on stage at some point – a missing pastie, a broken prop, the music file skipping. What do you do? Smile, laugh, do a little shimmy, and move on! Sometimes the show becomes a lot better for it – the incident amuses the audience, who are generally rooting for the performer anyway. Similarly, not all accidents or oops-moments are terrible. If something goes wrong, have a little chuckle (or stomp about dramatically if you need to) then pick yourself up and keep going. The people who care for you will want to see you succeed, and will support you no matter what. Indeed, like a star burlesque performer, you can turn that accident around – a “wardrobe malfunction” turned Rose Chan from just another dancer to Malaysia’s ultimate burlesque/striptease queen.
Look at things from a different angle.
A cigar isn’t just a cigar, and that hair clip doesn’t just have to sit on your head. Look at the way you work, the things you use, the beliefs you have – and examine them from another angle. What would happen if you read your book outside instead of the study? How would chicken seasoned with chocolate taste? What if you didn’t have to get a car and a spouse by 30? At least for a moment, subvert something! Think of your object or subject from the perspective of someone else – your neighbour, your best friend, your enemy, someone the total opposite of you. Be synesthetic – smell its colours, see its sounds. Everything has its own hidden glamour, a secret story. You may stumble onto hidden genius – like Nasty Canasta’s highly inspired choice of music for a usually-traditional fan dance:
Find the funny in everything.
So you spilled wine on the carpet, your boss yelled at you, and you’ve run out of hot water. Before you delve into despair, find something humorous about your situation – even if it’s something absurd and surreal, like “At least I’ll be prepared for showers in the Antarctic”. At least it’ll cheer you up; at best, it’ll help you find alternative solutions and reduce stress. At least on the inside, laugh it up – even if you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from giggling inappropriately. Sometimes I get stuck in my own drama and feel like the sky is about to fall; however, a joke from a friend or a wry comment sometimes help to diffuse the tension and get me smiling. Musician Dave Carroll turned his own terrible incident of his guitar being wrecked by United Airlines into a song that became a worldwide meme:
If you must despair, do it with flair.
A lot of burlesque is about overblowing the minor and understating the major. Drama in your life – whether as a crazy-making acquaintance or a series of annoying events – isn’t much fun. However, dealing with your woes in a dramatic way can help lighten the mood and release tension. Allow yourself to be ridiculously melodramatic and operatic about your stress. “Oh my! I am surrounded by escapees of the mental institution! My money all goes towards parking fees! WOEBETIDE ME!” Sometimes I mope around in my room and wail to my boyfriend about how LIFESUCKS I HATE IT ALL – he’s pretty used to it. Scream your anger out. Rest your hand on your forehead as though you’ve been hit by the vapours. List aloud every misery you’ve ever experienced and spend a few minutes hamming it up to friends or even just the bathroom mirror. The key here is to not take it too seriously – amp up the drama, but don’t stress yourself out over it. You’ll find that by the end of it you feel like laughing – you’ve worked through the ridiculousness, and can now see the situation in a whole new light.
Make up your own mind – and speak it.
You don’t have to like whatever’s in vogue, even if your immediate environment is charmed by it. While there’s a lot of contemporary burlesque that goes through the same tropes, there’s also a lot of innovative unusual work that ultimately stands out in people’s minds. Discover music, art, fashion, performances, politics, places, books of your own, and let your own heart and spirit decide how it feels about it. Have varied tastes in things, no matter how iconoclastic or unusual – like eating vanilla ice cream with salted peanuts or wearing capris in the cold. Then share them! Speak your truth about current affairs, art and beauty, or anything else that matters to you. You will likely encounter some strife, which does suck, but in the long run you’d be making space for people like you, who’d be grateful for your voice. After all, if it weren’t for pioneers like Lydia Thompson and Gypsy Rose Lee, who combined striptease with witty repartee, modern burlesque probably wouldn’t exist!
Dance, sing, make something, speak – give anything creative a go!
You don’t have to be any good at it. Just pick up that guitar or turn on that radio and do whatever moves you. “Dance like no one is watching”, as they say – once you get past the awkwardness of starting (something everyone goes through, pro or not), you’ll get into your own groove. Keri Smith released her book Wreck This Journal for this very purpose: to get you used to just starting something creative. If the end result isn’t to your liking, that’s OK – you’ve given it a go, which is more than important. In the past few years I’ve tried plate-spinning, juggling, trapeze, acrobatics, stilts, silks, singing, tapdance, and who knows what else, mostly for the heck of it. Some, like silks, were total disasters – but I also discovered a hidden aptitude for balancing and spinning plates on sticks! Here are some basic tricks to get you started, if you’re intrigued:
Choose something else to entertain you.
No need to chain yourself up to the TV and watch another episode of the Biggest Loser. Get yourself a copy of the local street press, or go online and look up the alternative listings. Facebook’s usually a good resource for ideas too. Go check out a burlesque show, a foreign film, a fetish party, a pub band in an obscure part of town, an experimental physical theatre piece – something that’s not usually your cup of tea. They’re usually cheap or free and are pretty welcoming to newcomers. Bring a friend if you’re a bit shy – you’ll likely make new friends there anyway. My friend and I checked out a fetish dance party for the first time a few months ago, and to my utter surprise I actually found it quite fun. I don’t normally go out at night, but we stayed there until 3 chatting with all sorts of people – some of whom I’ve met again at different places. Once you start, you end up finding out more about others – and your social life isn’t the same again. How about you? Will you choose a VooDoo Restaurant over McDonalds?
Whether you’d up for rockin’ your billies, or softly hip-swaying your way through life, there’s many ways to add a touch of burlesque to the daily (bump &) grind. It’s all about taking things lightly – so laugh loud, tickle your sensibilities, and make your friends gasp with surprise at your audacity to be unconventionally you.
If the art of burlesque itself interests you, check out the Ministry of Burlesque and Daily Burlesque for tons of resources, ideas, inspiration, and conversations with other enthusiasts and performers. It’s especially open to newcomers, so if you want to truly make burlesque part of your unconventional life, come on board!
I have been silenced and banned from a community that I helped to build and that I am extremely passionate about. I invested three months of my blood, sweat and tears into promoting someone else and I feel as though I was forced to walk away with nothing. This isn’t the first time getting involved in someone else’s community has turned out to be a complete waste of my time, and it won’t be the last.
His post contains a comprehensive list of ways that companies and high-profile people end up misusing the goodwill of their fans – from filtering out the competition, to not trusting their fans. The post is an emotional but also well-reasoned plea for people to treat their fans with respect, and the consequences of not doing so.
I can empathise with him – there have been at least a couple of times in my life where I’ve spent a lot of energy and effort promoting something I loved, only to be – as Cody put it – royally fucked over. It’s one thing if they don’t acknowledge you, that’s somewhat normal if you’re dealing with a MAJOR name (like, say, Angelina Jolie – she probably doesn’t even know), but it’s another thing when this group claims to be totally supportive of your work…only to drop you hard at the last minute and leave you in the dust.
It’s moments like these that make you realise that even the best concepts and movements have humans at the core, and humans are inherently flawed.
I hope Cody finds his peace. It’s taking a long time to find mine, and just when one thing’s sorted something else comes up. At least he’s learnt quite a bit from this unfortunate experience, and has passed it on to others – so it’s not a total waste.
Another Havi post! . This comes from Barbara Sher’s Wishcraft (download it free). I love Barbara Sher’s stuff – I’m totally a Scanner, and she has practical ideas for people like us that have all sorts of interests and want to give them all a go.
The question is:
Think about it: if you had five lives, what would you do with each one? I don’t mean if you were five different people. I mean if you could be you five times over and explore a different talent, interest or lifestyle to the fullest each time … If you could manage nicely with three lives, take three. If you need ten, help yourself. I just picked five because it’s a nice round number.
Here’s my five (well, eight):
1. Full-time performer from childhood onwards – instead of computer classes I would have had the music/acting/whatevs classes I wanted. Or at least being all artsy in my younger years and then moving on to actual performance experience once I got old enough to do it without doing my head in.
2. More skilled web developer. This was mainly because I’ve been using computers since I was 2, been online since I was 9, and everyone nearly expected me to be some sort of computing genius. I did do a bit of it (aside from personal sites which I do still) around 03/04, but coding bores me. zzz.
3. Writer/journalist. This was actually going to be my current life – almost all my life I was passionate about writing. Then I went to uni to do creative writing and I had that passion sucked out of me. I instead rekindled a hidden desire to perform, so I’m starting to do that a bit now.
4. Social entrepreneur/businesswoman. I did try to charge for club newsletters as a kid! I got really involved with this the past couple of years but moved on after some incidences.
5. Teacher. I was surprised to see my past school records and notice that my one constant answer to “What do you want to be when you grow up” was “teach”, because I had a horrible time at school. I did become very involved in alternative education for many years mostly BECAUSE I had such a crap experience!
6. Some sort of NGO save-the-world type person. Like Hugh Evans (he won Young Australian of the Year for his constant work in international development).
7. A gymnast – it was my secret childhood dream (along with performing but that wasn’t so secret) but I never got the chance; I’m unsporty and got scared! I got to make up for it by doing circus lessons last year and now I’m a circus trainee! Yay!
8. World traveller. Well I am now to a great extent, but this would have been more full-time. Instead of government Malaysian school and 1.5 years in a crappy Malaysian uni (before moving to Australia) I would have been in international school, did tons of student exchanges, studied at United World College, and actually get that most-coveted UN passport.
I think though that no matter what life I chose I’d still be something of a multi-disciplinary Barbara Sher-type scanner. I run in cycles of 3-4 years and even within that I get involved in multiple things. It’s what keeps me going!
So a while ago Havi mentioned how she found her dream house (amongst other things) by writing a personal ad. I took the idea and ran with it – and it worked! I did find the people I was after, and they keep showing up. woo! I followed it up by putting out my intentions for housing and income – those ones are still muddling along, so here’s a kickstart.
Then Havi brought them up again and everyone pitched in. It was awesome! I met a couple of interesting people through there and kinda fulfilled one person’s wish (to join their online community). Then Andrew made a site for it which is even more brilliant.
It seems to be a regular thing with Havi, because she’s now adding her mini personal ads to the bottom of every post (hmm, maybe a new trend?) and she posted about them again . In the spirit of things, I’ll repost the ads I made in Havi’s comments:
1. MERCHGIRLSEEKSFINANCIALSUSTAINABILITY
Creative eccentric passionate dabbler seeks means of being able to pursue her heart’s desire while also being able to pay bills, pay rent, and feed belly. Said dabbler would rather be able to sleep on a comfortable bed with her matey and not worry about money, instead of being a homeless foreigner.
YOUARE: any combination of the following:
An ethical sustainable at-least part-time job paying at least AUD$30,000/year, which allows me to make a comfortable income while developing my skills and being connected to interesting motivated people, without being sucked into politics and hypocrisy. Level doesn’t matter, as long as it’s something I can do a good job in and has a great working atmosphere.
Funding and/or support for The Merch Girl so I can make it into an awesome business without worrying about lack of funds
Funding and/or support for me as an emerging creative artist and/or interesting person
Projects that are interesting and good and compensate well
Another fascinating good ethical interesting way of self-sustainability that I haven’t imagined yet
YOUARENOT:
the result of someone’s untimely death (so no family inheritances please!)
A product of crime and/or unethicalness
Attached with strings that reveal undesirable conditions
Attached with hate, discrimination, nastiness, ickiness, hypocrisy, soul-suckage, drama, and anything else that makes me cry
WHAT I WILL DO:
Treat you with respect, honour, and care
Work my best into any venture I involve myself with
Use my sustained self to support other eccentric creative young artists who don’t quite fit in anywhere
Work on spreading love with my work and creative interactions instead of getting caught up in drama
Love you forever
Feel free to get in touch if you have any ideas!
I should also add “you are not more money from my parents which only comes with filial piety issues” because I’m trying to be financially independent from them. Doing that and being able to live is proving difficult tho.
2. SEEKING A FUNCTIONINGCOMPUTER
I would like to ask for a functioning computer. I have a laptop, but first the hard drive died, then the main partition is borked so I can’t even reinstall Windows or boot up from something else. The most I can do is load Ubuntu on CD and then look at stuff. I haven’t touched it for a while as I’m planning to get back to Brisbane, backup everything (that’s where my external harddrive is), and then reinstall stuff.
This could come in the following ways:
A new external harddrive gifted to me before I return to Brisbane so I can backup everything earlier (or something else that accomplishes this)
My computer will suddenly function again and stay functioning for a few more years at least (I got it late 2007)
I get a new computer that is much MUCH better at staying alive
I commit to taking care of my computer, doing regular backups (my external is now not leaving my sight!!), and learning more about how to maintain my computer. You’d think I get this, since I’ve been using computers since I was 2 and I’m turning 24, but argh.
3. FANTASTICFESTIVALS & AMAZINGARTSACTION
There are a few arts and festivals opportunities that look interesting. The people I train with in circus have a street performance project and a physical theatre project thing, there are some bigger arts festivals popping up this year, and two main TV stations in Australia are auditioning for presenters.
My request: To obtain favourable and pleasant results from applying to these opportunities, preferably in a way that allows me to sustain my journey through them (e.g. paid employment, expenses covered, sponsorship, etc).
This would mainly come from my applications being accepted, but I am also open to alternative arrangements being made that would have been better than the thing I applied for in the first place.
I commit to placing my applications, putting my best effort in, and being open to new opportunities. Also if you know of any other options that myself and/or The Merch Girl can do, let me know!
So I’ve been stuck in a funk the past couple of weeks. I’ve been thinking, why bother trying to perform or be in that world, there’s too much drama and stress and argh.
Then I saw this.
It’s a Slovenian choir, and it’s totally acapella. Down to the rain.
That was honestly one of the most moving and powerful performances I have seen in the past few years. Everyone working together melding beautifully and creating MAGIC. WOW. I’m not sure if this choir is 100% pro or a mix but who cares – it blew me away.
screw drama, screw politics. If I could touch even just one person the way this video touched me, I’ve achieved more than I wanted.
Gala Darling just released the second episode of her podcast, Love and Sequins – I was pretty intrigued in this one as she talks about running a creative business, and I had often wondered how people like her got to the point of being invited to speak at events and getting free stuff.
The conversation between her and Molly Crabapple, as well as her general guidelines, were interesting (disclaimer: I read the transcript but haven’t actually listened to the podcast yet). A lot of it are things one can pick up from other small business guides – figure out what you like to do, think of various ways to build that into a business, network, diversify, and so on. She does have some interesting advice, like “don’t take your passions so literally” – for instance, there are still ways to build a career out of writing Harry Potter fanfic without needing to literally write and sell Harry Potter fanfic.
However, the one part I was most interested in was left unanswered: What did she do, or what happened to her, that led to her current status and commanding power?
visually it’d look like this:
There are many other bloggers with equally effervescent personalities and not-so-dissimilar content that have come before Gala. Some of them do have their own small followings. But, unlike Gala, they haven’t been able to command product placements or speaking gigs or afford international flights. What was different?
Let’s take this similar issue in the point of view of performing, since that’s what I do at the moment:
There is a little while to go before you’re considered professional enough to be drafted for commercial shows, before you become a recognisable and credible brand name. But when does this happen? How many shows and how many years do you need before you reach that point? If you’ve worked in one area (say, improv) for a while, then moved on to something else in the same field (say, contemporary theatre) does anything from your previous work count within the timeline? Who proclaims you as ‘professional’ anyway?
How do you go from Work Experience boy to Artistic Director at #circusoz?? Read Mike Finch’s interview to find out: http://TwitPWR.com/gG5/
The interview does go into quite a bit about the background of the show and of his work as AD, but it doesn’t actually answer @circusoz’s question: How do you go from Work Experience boy to Artistic Director at Circus Oz? Who discovered him? Did he have to make an application? Did he have to leave Circus Oz for a while?
This in-between state is something I’ve been interested in for quite a long time. However, it’s not one that’s often talked about. The only other person I found who actually looks into these things is Malcolm Gladwell, whose books The Tipping Point and Outliers talk about pivotal points that affect people’s success. There are certain factors that make the difference between success and failure: whether it’s the number of hours, someone believing in you, being born in the right place at the right time.
What sets them apart from others? What point, what event, made a difference?
I asked this about Internet-famous people on Ask Metafilter but didn’t really get the response I was expecting. However, I was directed to Wired’s article on ‘fameball’ Julia Allison, which is an example of what I really want to know. The article describes her thinly-disguised press releases (“Oh my, I’m going to do something really stupid! Please don’t publish this even tho you are media!”) and how Gawker lapped it up despite protesting about how useless she is.
Is that what it takes? Shameless self-promotion? On the one hand society tells people that they’re not worth anything if they’re not famous or well-known. Yet we also scorn people who actively seek out fame. Why? Is it a bad thing? Is it because they’re not passively waiting? Will just having talent make people come to you, or do you need to do more to get someone’s attention?
When I started this blog late last year – after sitting on the domain name for a while because my original plans were violently shaken up – it was meant to be a vehicle for me to find my way post-university. There was nothing else I was beholden to, nothing else guaranteed. I was in deep need of something to get involved with, something to explore, something to dedicate myself to at least for a few years.
Hence all the information above about hiring me, working with me, my skills and interests, my passions, my past work experience. Hence the wealth of information about me – but also the general vagueness of what I did exactly. I had no job description as such, no real destination; I wanted to see what came up.
I’ve been blogging more at my Merch Girl Tumblr which is standing in for me as one of my main online hubs while I get a proper site built up. Tumblr’s been a great way to quickly showcase my inspirations – it’s easy to put up photos and videos on there, and pass on any others that I find along the way. It’s not the greatest method for text-heavy blog posts like these, nor is it necessarily great for big blog debates (for one thing, comments aren’t built in), but for the purposes of The Merch Girl it works fine.
I’ve been doing quite a bit to establish The Merch Girl as a functional enterprise – which surprises me, since I tend to be all ideas but little initiative (I get freaked out by all the work I have to do, then move on). I’ve already worked my first official gig with Zenobia Frost as her Merch Girl and Door Bitch (as we referred to lovingly), and I have been applying for grants to gain support and funding for it. I’ve also been educating myself – through self-study, research, consulting, and short courses – on the ins and outs of running a creative business, on arts accounting, on performance, on being sustainable. I’ve even applied for spots in festivals! It’s early days yet but I’m keen to see how far this will go.
The biggest accomplishment I’ve made as The Merch Girl so far (which is pretty remarkable considering I’m not even properly registered yet) is somehow pulling off sponsorship for airfare to the Cabaret Burlesque competition – in return for working as an assistant/manager/career guidance person for my Mysterious Mistress, a dear friend whom I’ve been asking to be an assistant for for many years now! So it’s win-win for everybody. I get to perform in my first solo amongst other Brisbane burlesque enthusiasts, I get to help my dear Mistress out, I actually get to be a proper apprentice to Lena for once, my Mistress gets much-needed career help, Cabaret Burlesque gets an international participant and an extra stagehand, my burlesque friends and I get to meet again (at least for a week)…so much fun. I can’t wait!
The other big ambitious thing I want to do in relation to this is apply for Realise Your Dream , an award by the British Council that gives young Australian emerging artists the chance to explore their creative careers in the UK. Thanks to the Ministry of Burlesque I have found that the British burlesque and cabaret community is super supportive, tight-knit, friendly, and fabulous – and I’d like to explore that further! Technically I’m slightly underqualified, but it never hurts to try…besides, who knows what will happen?
Will I do anything else other than burlesqueing around? Well, there is the circus training, though that’s on hiatus at the moment as I’m actually back in Malaysia for a break (hence the need for airfare for Cabaret Burlesque – so I can make it back in Brisbane for a short time). I’m also volunteering on the Pixel Project VAW project, though I’m a bit slack on that, and I’m also doing a part-time gig with YANQ updating their website and analysing a census of education reengagement initiatives they did last year.
I’m always open to anything that is interesting, that involves motivated and creative people, that offers a way to learn more about the world about me.
I just heard about the Monthly Goal Meetup from Modish Biz, who writes about things that help with your creative business. Since I’ve been trying to get The Merch Girl going but am utterly procrastinating, I figured now is a good time as any to announce my goals!
It’s meant for the first Friday of the month, so I’m a bit late, but here goes:
Write content for The Merch Girl
About The Merch Girl
Performance / Entertainment Options
Creative Production Services
Support The Merch Girl
Links
Contact Me
Work out how to sell merch online that isn’t yours (any ideas??)
Reorganise my papers
Request insurance reimbursement for meds
Get some recommendations & testimonials
Apply for Education & Training Coordinator job with Zen Zen Zo
Apply for a few more jobs
There’s probably more that I haven’t thought about (it’s 7am here!) but let’s see how far I go!
So apparently my aunt – one of the sisters of my dad – is an Australian citizen. I did not know this before. This changes everything, as she is now able to sponsor me for Permanent Residency. So I may not even have to get the Temporary Grad visa – I can jump straight to a PR, and live on the Bridging Visa while I wait for that to show up.
Even on the Bridging visa, I can only go overseas for 3 months max. As my Student visa is no longer valid (because I am not a student anymore), if I go home now I’ll need a tourist visa to come back – and there’s no guarantee I’ll be approved of a tourist visa, Bangladesh passport and all (“getting another visa” is a bad reason for a Tourist visa). So to make my sister’s wedding in July I can’t really leave too early.
My flight ticket has been changed (for the gazillionth time) to mid-May. This gives us enough time to apply for the visa(s), head to my sister’s wedding, and come back within 3 months.
I am flat broke. I only saved enough to last me to this week, and I haven’t found a job yet. I do have the option of casual work (depending on whether ICTE need more Aussies) and there’s also opportunities to sell ads for the Burlesque Magazine and/or do VA work. But nothing that’s enough for living expenses yet. I’ll need to find a job that covers my expenses and lets me bugger off for three months (or at least doesn’t get offended when I have to quit in the middle of May).
I also may need to find new digs at least till May, or work out something with Mark so that we’re not on each other’s toes for the next couple of months.
I don’t even know what’s going on with my visa anymore. Every other moment there’s a twist. If visas weren’t so fundamentally boring this could be a movie!
I just graduated today. Huzzah! Finally I can leave university life behind me, at least for the moment.
I’ll know tomorrow, when my parents and I meet the migration agent, what our plan is regarding visas and my move to Australia. Whether I stay here past this month and only go back for my sister’s wedding, or if I spend a month in Malaysia then come back for good…things are mutable. Here’s hoping it’s for the best.
While I figure out what I’m doing with myself, I would like to put out my wishes and aims for my ideal living and earning situation when I’m settled in Australia. I know about things like The Secret and Law of Attraction, and while I’m not a wholehearted believer, I can see the merit in making your intent clear. I’ve had that happen in mysterious ways, but I’ve also had the total opposite happen (working so hard for something that didn’t happen at all) so who knows! Also, this will help me make my goals clearer, so I know just what to look for. And if you know anything that fits this description, by all means share!
Ideal Accomodation
1. Near city or surrounding suburbs, Zones 1-2 – I’m pretty familiar with those suburbs and I can navigate to and from easily. Transport costs are also affordable when maintained at Zones 1 & 2.
2. Accessible to New Farm – a lot of my things (chiropractor, naturopath, burlesque classes, circus training) are based in New Farm. It’s also bordering the city and the Valley so I have easy access to a lot of things. It doesn’t have to be right at New Farm; I just don’t want to take 3 buses and a train just to get there one way!
3. 2 to 3 other housemates – I’ve lived alone, with one other person (who was also the houseowner), and in a sharehouse of 8. None of those were ideal; it was often overwhelming and it didn’t really feel like home. I’m currently in a 3-person arrangement and it’s comfortable – there’s a close connection to each other, but there’s still the space to do your own thing and you don’t have to absolutely entertain each other. A house of 3-4 seems just right.
4. Own room of reasonable space – I’m currently sharing a room that’s really just meant for one person. It’s ok at first but is driving us nuts! I need space to relax, work, meditate, spiritually reflect, read, sleep, do my own thing. It doesn’t have to be especially spacious but I don’t want it cramped either – just enough space to breathe and live.
5. Has Internet access, all utilities, fully furnished – because I really don’t want to go hunting for my basic living needs like electricity, a bed, or running water. Also I’ve lived in houses with no reliable Internet and it was such a pain in the arse!
6. About AUD$150 per week rent inclusive of bills – That’s my budget, which is more a suburban price than an inner-city one. It’s doable if a bit challenging at the moment since places are raising rents here and there. Lower is good; I’m not sure about higher unless the place absolutely deserves it.
7. Animal-friendly – I might get a pet. That said, the last time I went to a house just because it had pets already I ended up having a bad time, so I’m willing to compromise!
8. Relatively young/young-at-spirit people with creative, interesting, meaningful inclinations – it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “theme house” (I know of a Witch House and a Circus House) though I’d be cool with that. I’d just like to have some connection with my housemates; at least friendly if not best-buds-for-life. Having similar inclinations help with conflict management and makes it easier (I feel) for us to live together.
9. Friends are OK but doesn’t have to be – I’m thinking now that I might be better off with acquaintances: we know each other but maybe not extremely well yet, so we know the other’s trustworthy but we don’t have a huge relationship at stake. I have lived with complete strangers and that’s worked out OK, so I’m not ruling them out either.
10. Comfortable, safe, livable – it doesn’t have to be super-posh (and I learnt the hard way that choosing a house based on its decor can backfire) but I don’t want a total dump either! I don’t have terribly high standards; a clean bathroom, a clear floor, and dust-free surfaces work well.
11. Fire/smoke-friendly – because I’d like to light a candle or some incense once in a while. I don’t smoke cigarettes.
12. Homestays are fine – actually they’d be great because I’d get paid to live in a house!
Ideal Income
1. Not from my parents – I want to develop my independence and have control over how my money’s being used. Parental money, while appreciated, often comes with more strings than I’m comfortable with. Special occasion gifts are OK; I just don’t want them to subsidize my life.
2. Ethical sources – so no illegal or immoral activities involved, like selling sex slaves or dealing drugs or burning Mafia cigars, that sorta thing. The ethics of the company matter a lot to me.
3. Does not involve someone’s death – I don’t want my main income to come from an inheritance from someone who died in an accident very recently! I’d rather have this income come from people who are alive! (That said, if it was part of a foundation built from someone’s death ages ago, that’s fine. I just don’t want a long lost relative being hit by a car just so I can inherit money, for example.)
4. Diverse sources of income – paid employment is my main focus, but I’d also like to get income from projects, freelance and contract work, grants and other forms of funding, prize money, ad sales, sponsorships, donations, that sort of thing. In-kind help works too. I want to keep my options open and not limit myself to just thinking “I need a job” when I could get stuff out of a lottery, for instance. Also, having diverse sources means that I’m not totally out of luck if one of them shrivels up.
5. Flexible part-time hours – I do have circus training and performance stuff, among other things, and I don’t want to spend all my time at work. I’ve calculated a budget with living, creative, and misc expenses and a typical part-time job salary is enough to cover expenses and provide a savings buffer, while still having enough hours to do my own thing.
6. Positive, respectful open working environment – this has SUCH a major impact on me, moreso than things like the pay or the exact nature of the job. I have left seemingly-good jobs because the atmosphere was toxic, and I’ve worked in many volunteer gigs where the people were fantastic
7. I can leave work at work – I don’t want to have to worry about work 24/7. My current schedule actually works pretty well; I train, I do casual work as an Aussie (assisting English classes), I work on projects, but they don’t bleed into each other.
8. Engaging and stimulating – I’ve been told that I engage really well with “meaty” work and work best when given a challenge. Something that gets my mind and body moving (so I’m not stuck to a chair or on menial jobs) would be excellent.
9. Involves people but not overwhelmingly so – I like having company and working together with people, and I also like having space for my own time and work. I also like to bounce ideas off people and get their input; collaboration is fun!
10. Does not fire me just because I occasionally check my email despite being extremely productive – enough said.
11. Casual open environment – I don’t think I can cope with a conservative corporate job. It doesn’t have to be radical, just creative and free!
12. Meaningful – whether to the end user or to the co-workers (ideally both). Something that holds part of a greater purpose, even if it’s just as simple as making someone smile.
13. Values personal time – Everyone has their own priorities; I wouldn’t be able to deal with a place that made you consider work as your #1 priority in life. Life’s greater than that.
14. Accepting of diversity – I definitely don’t fall into any specific roles and wouldn’t want to be marginalised for who I am!
15. Creative – I like to explore my creativity, whether directly or otherwise. The form is open (as long as it’s actually something I’m good at, so not drawing or programming) and I’m open to suggestion.
OK. So I’ve just received some new information about the Temporary Graduate visa I was going to apply for, and now my head’s in a tizzy.
1. The Temporary Graduate visa takes at least SIX months to be processed. This made me yelp because I do not want to be in Malaysia (well, Ulu Tiram) for six months. There’s nothing to do and I’ll stagnate in there. I’d lose half a year of circus training and just end up atrophying in front of my computer like I usually do.
HOWEVER
2. Apparently once you lodge your application you are NOTALLOWED to leave Australia. You are given a Bridging visa that lets you stay in Australia legally while the other visa’s being processed. I’ve heard “you can’t leave” to “you can only leave for compassionate reasons” to “you can stay, or you can leave”. I don’t know if you are given the Bridging visa immediately or if you have to apply for it and wait (hopefully not for months). Some bridging visas give you working rights, but I have to check that too.
I’m cool with remaining in Australia for as long as I need to. I can continue circus training, learn burlesque and pole, do fun stuff, get involved (there’s TONS of things happening in the next couple of months), and actually apply for jobs without wondering about whether I’d be around long enough to start work. However, there are a few issues here:
I am running out of money. I have less than $200 in my account, which is just enough to last me until the 27th – the date I was supposed to fly out to Malaysia. I have been looking for jobs, but without luck – I haven’t had an interview, and people are generally reluctant to hire folks with immigration issues (like myself). I’ve been doing casual and part-time gigs here and there, but they haven’t been enough to cover major expenses.
I need a place to live. Currently I’m sharing a room with Mark (in the same apartment with Nikki, who has her own room). While we generally get along, being in the same small room as Mark 24/7 has really taken a toll on our relationship. The room’s only meant for one person, so there’s not enough space for our clothes, our computers, and so on. We end up being pissed off at each other, or feeling cramped. We had a long conversation about this last night where we came to the conclusion that we work better with having our own working spaces (or at least a working space that’s separated from the bedroom) but sharing a bed, instead of having everything “on top of each other”. Any longer in our current situation, though, and things may get really ugly. (Those of you who received a message from me saying “We all live and die alone” – this was part of the impetus.)
My parents will be pissed off. They’ve been wishy-washy about me being in Australia – a few months ago, when I was going through a deep depression and just wanted to get out of everything, they were so eager for me to be a PR that they even got all the forms and hired agents before I was ready. Now, though, they keep dropping anvil-sized hints about “taking a break” by coming back to Malaysia, forgetting about Australia because we’re apparently getting Malaysian citizenship anyway (after waiting my whole life!), and besides circus doesn’t give you a future so why bother. (There’s a looooooooong story behind this.) They were willing to support my visa costs, but were more willing to pay for everything if I lived in Johor. Even my dad says on the phone, “You know, we’re allowing you to apply this visa to make you happy…” and doesn’t get it when I say it’s not a question of me being allowed or not allowed to do something. When they find out the quagmire I’m in, they’re likely going to conclude that I’m so disorganised and it’s such a hassle that they’re not willing to cover the AU$3000+ cost for the visa and paperwork – “just go home!”
The factor that complicated this is my student visa. It’s valid till the 30th of August, but due to credit transfers I’m graduating a semester ahead of schedule. I called up DIMIA a few months ago asking about my visa and they told me that my student visa stops being valid as soon as I graduate (this Tuesday). With this understanding, my parents booked tickets for the 27th – graduate, put in application (even though I can only apply around the 7th of April because I have to wait for my IELTS results to be released), go home, wait for approval. But if my new information is correct, I can’t go home at all. Not a loss for me – but a big source of trouble for them. I had already delayed my return date twice.
I sent an email to the migration agent I visited in February asking for clarification, and CC’d my family. If they read the email they’ll hopefully see my side of the situation. My parents are currently in the Middle East and will be in Australia just before my graduation – I don’t know if they’ll get the chance to even read the email beforehand. And we have 3 days between the graduation and someone having to go back on the flight. Or something.
ARGH!
I’d love to remain in Australia; I just need the following:
A job, or enough money to live on
Somewhere to live – cheap or free rent, good people, utilities included, not dodgy (I’ve had two renting experiences that didn’t go so great; I’m worried to go renting now!!). Hell, I’d go live with my burlesque teacher and be her apprentice if she’d let me. Or something.
My expenses and needs taken care of
Some way of going back legally (there’s a Bridging Visa variant that lets you do this) – my sister’s getting married in July! Ironically she’s more supportive of my plan than my parents are!
Less stress – I already had such a stressful night talking with Mark about our future, starting over, whether we cope well together, and so on. I couldn’t sleep at all. Now this is just giving me a greater headache.
A guardian angel
I was doing so well. I had dreams! There were things I wanted to do! There were people here who wanted me around! I found the people that care for me and want me back here! And now this?
I’m running out of things I can do in the mundane world. I’ve asked for advice, I’m getting the paperwork sorted, I’ve told my parents. Sometimes I wonder if my parents are praying for me to just come back to Malaysia and drop this Australia thing – they are in the holiest Muslim place in the world. Can prayers override each other? If I asked all my spiritual and magical friends to pray and spellcast and wish and who-knows-what for my visa success, for my dream life to be true, for my wave of joy and good fortune to return – will it work against the wishes of my parents which seem to be conflicting? (If you are a magical person, feel free to do whatever ritual you want towards my aid. Or pray for me. Whatever works for you. You have my eternal gratitude.)
URGH! I hate visas. Hate them so much.
EDITEDITEDIT! POSSIBLESOLUTION!
I just took a shower and I think I’ve come up with a solution that suits everybody.
1. Graduate on the 24th. Get degree cert to apply for VETASSESS. Go talk to immigration agent to see if this plan holds water.
2. Go back to Malaysia on the 27th.
3. Receive IELTS results by mail around mid-April. (This is the main thing stopping me from making an application now.)
4. Go back to Australia either on the student visa (risky, but it does say “valid till 30 August 2009” on it and apparently people have done this before) or on a tourist visa (a bit of a hassle, and costs a bit, but it only takes a day and there are cheap flights) by end of April with IELTS results and other paperwork stuffage.
5. Apply for Temp Grad visa.
6. Get Bridging visa. Possibly ask for modification to go overseas in July.
7. Live in Australia for as long as I need to.
8. Rock on.
!!!!!
The main things here are the flight back to Australia and the visa to come back. A little bit of extra cost, but possibly worth it?? My parents will have me back (though I hope they don’t kick up a fuss that it’s not as long as they’d like), I get to come back to Australia early, and I get to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive.
Every so often I like to look at creative interpretations of CVs, resumes, and other documents that introduce you to the world. My current CV is ok but rather boring; it doesn’t really communicate my personality, my interests, nor the fact that I like to try unusual things and bring things together.
I want something I can send not just as job applications, but also as introductions to people and groups I find interesting. People I’d like to get to know better, work together with, create something of soulful merit. Do fun stuff. I don’t want my resume to put me to sleep! My kit would need to look more like this:
I’d like my CV to be offbeat, reflective of me, and unorthodox. Sure, it may not get past the typical HR headhunters – but I’m not going for “typical”. I’m going for people who appreciate individuality, creativity, and openness to ideas.
How do I create a CV+portfolio+thingo that is creative, reflects me, and gets the attention of the receipient?
How do I do this without being wanky?
How do I structure my content in this creative CV kit?
How do I get the thing designed?
Am I only stalling because I’m overwhelmed by vast nothingness, so I’m either trying to be outrageous or trying to procrastinate? (Well, possibly, but that’s an issue for another email)
(I’m not facing vast nothingness at the moment, which is great, but I still may be stalling.)
Now that I’m starting The Merch Girl and am delving a bit deeper into performance work, especially theater and burlesque, having some sort of a kit to represent myself would be really helpful. Inside this kit would be:
My CV/resume
Performances lists
Headshots
Artist statements
Business cards
Personal letter
what else? What else should my kit hold that represents me and gives other a good picture of myself?
Issue 1 of the Underground Art School had an article with questions that build your artist statement. Questions like:
How & why is your work meaningful to you?
What is it that you like about what you make?
Do you do things differently from the way you were taught?
This statement is going to be a lot more important if I’m going to apply for grants or for work at festivals and such (The Merch Girl may have a gig at This Is Not Art as Stage Manager!). It’s pretty exciting to even consider such a statement, but I’m only just developing my work, and I don’t want to come up with something really academically dense like “Tiara extrapolates given assumptions about her heritage culture and synthesises it with modern dogma about society, commenting on the juxtaposition between the expected and the desired” when really what I want to say is “Tiara does things that are fun. This is one such thing.”.
I’ve contacted Autumn Heep – who worked with us at the Vagina Monologues – to help redo my resume for me. She has a thing going where she could retool and reformat your resume for you from $50 upwards. Hopefully I’ll be able to afford the $100 for a complete changeover! If I want a full-blown kit though, I may have to invest in more than just a resume change. But small things first.
Do you have your own specially designed CV, resume, media kit? What’s something tangible that you have available for others? What do you include in yours?
I used to be quite worried about my “future”. So did the other people around me growing up, or in my life now.
How will My Future be like?
Will what I do lead to a good Future?
Is My Future secure? How can I be certain?
bloody future, seriously!
I would think way ahead to my future self, and try to work out what she’s up to, how she’s happy, how she looks. For some reason she’s stuck in a red turtleneck and a trenchcoat – an outfit that’s only brought me bad luck so far (I’m slightly superstitious about clothes). She seems generally content…why she’s content is never really concrete.
And then I’ll make grandiose plans. Oh, I’ll embark on this trip! And work on this job! Then I’ll meet these people! And achieve this and that! And BE HAPPY!
But my plans always fell apart one way or another. Usually due to something out of my control – usually a rejection for something I’ve wished and worked very hard to get. You can see the aftermath of the most recent attempt here. They were learning experiences, and it’s not like I didn’t get anything out of the process – but it still never guaranteed a future.
Nothing does.
You know why? Because there is no Future.
Everything is NOW. We can only work with the information we have now. We can only control so much over our circumstances. Why worry so much about The Future, when all you can work with is NOW?
There is some value to future planning, but only in a more short-term or general sense. For me, I find super specific things like “I will produce a book in 5 years” really unhelpful, as I’ve found that my passions and interests come and go in phases. They don’t disappear completely after the end of their phase; they just become less important or less pressing. But I still incorporate them somehow into my life work.
When I was a teenager I was all about current pop culture, television, media. Then I went to Up with People and became obsessed with non-profits, social enterprise, saving the world. Now I’m flowing into performance, burlesque, creativity on a larger scale. All of those have always been important in some way in my life; they’ve just shifted priorities.
My parents are worrying about My Future. Especially my current circus and burlesque kick (aside from all the culture-bending). They think this venture doesn’t give me a safe, secure future. As my dad put it:
THEREARETOOMANYUNCERTAINTIES!!!
But are there? Right now I’m certain that this is what brings me joy. It brings me smart, creative, loving, awesome people. It brings me new skills and the rush of accomplishment. It brings me freedom to be the crazy nutter that I am without judgement. It brings me new experiences. It brings me fun, LOTS of fun.
It may just be something I do for a few years before moving on. It may be something I do forever. It may be something that I become famous in. It may be my calling. Who knows.
But at least I’m certain. I’m certain that this is what I want to do right now. And I’m happy.
The future can be dealt with when it comes. I want to live now.
I didn’t make February’s in time so here’s my dreamboard for March!
I wanted something starry and fantasy-esque for the background. It took me a while to look through wallpaper sites before I found this one. It’s quite pretty!
There are two main things here: performance creativity and financial freedom.
I’m getting more involved in burlesque performance – I performed with my classmates in the RaGTaG Revue, and yesterday I did my first solo (well, a trial run anyway) for our school’s Open Day type thing (to rave reviews from my burlesque teacher – which is a massive compliment!!). I’ve also been volunteering at the Burlesque Ball, which is where the photo (of Vivi Valentine) is from. I really enjoy the experience – it’s creative, crazy, individualised, and everyone supports each other. And it’s FUN! Which is something I need more of in my life right now. Barbara Sher once said that what you love is what you’re gifted in – apparently I’m now gifted in being a burlesque ham. Hmm. we’ll see about that!
To achieve this, I need to gain a measure of financial freedom. Right now I’m mostly supported by my parents, while doing part-time or casual jobs on the side. While this does mean I don’t have to worry about rent or living, it does mean that I am beholden to them to not do anything too outrageous. They’re currently working under the model that they “allow” me to do things – when really I’m trying to wrest my independence away from them. (I’m sure they’ll comment here and protest!) I’ve been applying for jobs, and I’ve just started The Merch Girl , my burlesque+merch girl/ASM/stage help service venture. I’m also looking for grants I could use for professional development. Hopefully this year will be the first year I’m self-sustainable!
There’s also a WishCasting (somewhat belated) attached to this:
What do you wish to change?
I wish to change my source of income to be more financially free.
I’ve just read Seth Godin’sTribes, about building and leading groups passionate about a cause, idea, product, and so on. Being a Seth Godin book, it does mainly relate to marketing and commerce, but the concept also works for all sorts of situations that involve teamwork, collaboration, and support.
I have been semi-unofficially leading a tribe of young people (and supporters) who want to veer away from the Malaysian status quo in education and career development, through EducateDeviate . Just recently I was asked to promote and contribute to the totally awesome What’s After SPM? project, which collects stories of what young Malaysians can do after secondary (high) school. WOW. I wanted to do something similar but I’m so glad that there are other young people out there that are taking the reigns and leading their own tribes. I’ll get a story soon, and I’ve proposed a fund to support a young person with their own interesting post-school plan – just waiting to hear from the committee about it. This was the sort of thing I was hoping to see after forming EducateDeviate and I’m so glad it’s taking place.
Now that I’m moving along to a different focus – creative performance, with a hint of sexuality and taboo-busting – I’ve been mulling over building a tribe of my own to support my endeavour. As Chris Guillebeau describes, I’m trying to recruit my small army of remarkable people.
There are a couple of selfish reasons. One, there is a certain wish to be an Internet cool kid (though I’ve recently been reading Hipster Runoff and saw just how ridiculous the whole thing is) and get to do fun stuff without worrying about how I’d able to afford it. Which brings me to my second selfish reason – I’d like to get some support to fund my creative journey . I’ve had some people say that they’d be interested in paying for some exclusive content related to my circus journey.
There’s also a not-so-selfish but not-so-altruistic-either reason. I like to see my friends from different circumstances and contexts interact with each other and create great partnerships – whether in work, love, friendships, or anything else. Sometimes this happens without me being involved (for example, two people I know from very different circumstances got married to each other last year); sometimes it happens when these people meet in the same situation and forma partnership there or soon after. A good example: I live with Nicole Jensen and know her from college; I used to work with Sarah Moran in the QUT Student Guild and bump into each other on projects often. They met at my birthday party, then again at Edgeware’s business creation workshop, and got along awesomely. w00t!). I’d like more of that to happen – get together a group of people whom I admire and trust in their personalities, creative work, success, etc, and get them to inspire each other and create something interesting. Be friends.
The thing is, though, that the truly effective and powerful tribes and small armies are led ultimately by a common cause. Seth Godin’s version involves a product or service (just look at Apple) but a more common version involves an activist cause for change – civil rights, gay marriage, no smoking, etc etc. Something that people believe in, something that matters to the world.
In comparison, a tribe of People Who Think Tiara’s Awesome doesn’t have the same pull. It benefits no one except me (aside from the networking opportunity). Ultimately their support will go towards me being more creative – and then what? It’s not like I’m running a business or advocating for human rights or curing cancer. Heck, I don’t even have enough design chops to give advice like Nubby Twiglet. I’m just hoping to lead a life of creativity, passion, and fun – and inspire others to live their own lives with fire and zest.
I seek my legacy project. Something that lives on beyond my happy memories and warm feelings. Something that leaves an impact, creates a wave of happy memories and warm feelings and positive change. Something that saves a young girl from despair or a just-grown-up guy from boredom. Little things turn into big things.
Can my life be a legacy project? How would I do so? How would I live a life that is inspirational, creative, life-affirming not just to me but to others that support me?
I would like to build a Bat Colony:
A group of interesting, fascinating, somewhat off-beat people whom I respect and who support me. Independent on their own things, but also social, happy to interact with each other to share ideas, find resources, feast on sweet fruit. Carry each other’s babies when the other needs help. Be eager to journey into the darkness using alternative senses.
I’ve already thought of a few people I’d like to invite to this bat colony. Nikki.Mark.Spidey.Kakak.Megan.Sarah.Lena.HannahHavi.Pace and Kyeli.LeonieBritt.Darren.Richard. (ok, the last two’s a bit of a longshot.) Some other people, famous, not famous, friends, acquaintances, muses, whoever – people I’d love to have in my bat colony, whether as core members or as visitors on the edge.
I’d love to welcome others who are interested in joining me. In supporting a vision unfurled slowly through each night of dreaming, dancing, playing, exploring. In sharing their selves with each other. In providing some sort of material, financial, emotional, mental, creative support for me and for each other. To hunt for and delight in strange fruit.
What would you like in this Bat Colony? What would compel you to join this Colony? What would make it worth your while, especially when it comes to payments and in-kind support? What would chase you away from the Colony? What would you need from us, from me? What ca:n you give?
I’ve been trying to come up with a few ways to earn enough income to thrive for the next 18 months or so in Brisbane. I would like to earn enough to:
Pay for expenses – rent, food, health, transport, phone, etc
Take workshops and classes that interest me and help me grow
Build a performance outfit kit – clothes, accessories, makeup
Buy media for creative inspiration (albums, magazines, etc)
Travel to different events and places (for creative work, other work, holiday, etc)
Treat friends and loved ones to presents
Attend interesting and fun events
Not have to worry about where the next dime’s coming from
Pamper myself once in a while
Here are some ideas I’m mulling over (plus some from the Twitter #ideaparty hosted by Barbara Sher):
1. Get a (part-time or full-time) job Pros: Stability, get to spend my time purposefully, generally good income Cons: Job market difficult to break into, may clash with timetables for training, I have this big gap between March and July to get my temporary visa and attend sister’s wedding – I don’t know if I’ll get enough leave, may not hire me due to visa issues
2. Run the 1000 True Fans business I was mulling about Pros: Can do it anywhere, targeting creatives so will be able to build networks, relatively lighter and flexible work Cons: Only vague ideas on how to start & run a business legally and productively, might get tired of it after a while, takes a while to find new customers
3. Get bailed out by parents Pros: Usual method, they’re often there, they have more money than I do Cons: I don’t want to depend on my parents, they’re not so keen on what I’m doing, parents retiring and I don’t want to be a leech
4. Create a pay-only subsite of TiaraShafiq.com Pros: Build my own Seth Godin-esque tribe, get some income, don’t have to do tons of work, build on current experience Cons: What would people want in a subsite? Value for money, egocentricness
5. Consult young people on what to do after their high school years Pros: Years of experience in doing just that for free, fun and good job, some young people ask me this already Cons: The people who most need this service aren’t able to pay or afford what I need!
6. Work freelance as a writer, performer, director, events, etc Pros: Flexibility, access to various projects and networks, good fun Cons: Hard to find legit decent job
7. Live off trainee pay for circus training Pros: Already something I’m doing, not very complicated Cons: Definitely not enough to pay the rent!
8. Entertain at kids’ parties (as a fairie?) Pros: Cute fun, I have a Blue Card, like pretending Cons: Where do I start? Not much skill to share (magic, clowning, etc).
9. Sell all my stuff Pros: Money comes in, junk comes out Cons: When are we going to hold a garage sale? How to price things properly.
I probably have more ideas in my head, but it’s 10:52pm and my brain’s getting tired. What about you?
Dad’s sending over the papers needed to file a claim for a Malaysian Good Conduct letter (police clearance), which means that I’m all good to apply for my Graduate Skilled Visa. This means that I’m very likely to spend the next 18+ months in Australia working on my circus dreams. Yay!
I figured that since I may spend part of the year overseas anyhoo (the time between my student visa expires and this new visa is issued, also my sister’s wedding in July) I may as well start training now. I’m perfectly happy to extend my training to beyond a year to make up for lost time. Vulcana was cool with it, huzzah.
I started circus training yesterday. Essentially this involves showing up for Vulcana’s classes , and there’s more that I’ll find out on Thursday. Classes go for 6 weeks at a time, then have a break, then start again. I rejoined Circus Essentials, the basic 101 class – I’ve taken it before but need to brush up on my skills. I’m still choppy on handstands and tumbling forwards, but I apparently found sideways rolls so easy that I just rolled off across the mat until I got dizzy. Ha.
I did notice that my focus got a lot better. Usually when exercising my mind is still all over the place. Here I was able to focus better on what I’m doing in the moment. I was also able to recover better from setbacks. I just need more practice!
I didn’t eat well yesterday – I was rushing from thing to thing and only managed a small spinach & feta roll for lunch. I only made the decision to join circus training yesterday, and by that point it was too late to prepare dinner. Bad idea – my thighs cramped during an acro-balance pose and I got really nauseous! Lying down with my feet propped in a chair, drinking water and having some fruit helped a lot. The pain went immediately after I stopped the pose; it was more an issue of lack of energy. Lesson learnt!
I did get an incredible rush of endorphins after class though. People always talk about it and I never had that experience until yesterday! Awesome! I felt very calm and collected and at peace. I also didn’t feel as excruciatingly tired today as I normally do when starting a new class or workout – perhaps the burlesque classes just before helped me limber up so it wasn’t such a shock. Exercise feels good, finally!
Learning points from today’s class:
1. EATANDDRINKBEFORECLASS. seriously. High protein, light, not dense, high energy but preferably not processed sugar.
2. Bring some fruit, nuts, healthy snacks (crispbread?? what else?) for class break.
3. Bring bottle of water fortified with Glucolin for extra energy.
4. Work on strengthening leg muscles, especially thighs. Feet also need care.
5. Get over psychological hump of falling forwards – main obstacle for forward tumbles and handstands. You will be fine!
6. Remember Anna’s words – feel a pleasant stretch, not pain. You shouldn’t be in pain.
I’m likely going to Circus Fit today – it’s less about circus skills and more about exercises that deal with circus folk. I’d like to get some ideas on exercises I could do daily to keep myself limber and fit. Perhaps yoga? I suck at running, but I like stretching, so yoga could work.
I’ve also been asked to come back to burlesque classes. I haven’t officially signed on, because I may not be around for the last two weeks and I didn’t want to pay all that money just to miss out on a third of the class. My teacher Lena said “come anyway, you’re a regular!”. I’ll probably come by and ask if I can join in. It’s so much fun and the circus & burlesque complement each other!!
I’ve been applying for jobs to sustain me for the next year. Haven’t heard much either way, but hopefully I’ll have enough to continue my training and self-development. I’ve been considering doing a Patron Program on this blog – donate some money towards my training and artistic development and I could send you records on how I was doing, be invited to events, etc. Would that be a good idea?
I meant to write such an ad, but never got round to it. (I also lost out on being a copywriter! damn laziness.) But Havi wants us to give it a go , so here’s my go!
Are you awesome? I want you.
Creative, cosmopolitan, energetic, silly, random, earnest young woman with a love for shimmy sparklies and a desire to make people happy, looking for all forms of awesome.
You are highly creative, open to experimentation, and have a silly, witty, clever sense of humour. You do not take things too seriously nor too lightly. You are affectionate, loving, and always great with cuddles. You look at opportunities and go “Why not?” instead of “Why?”. You’re accepting, diverse, magical, and can make me feel excited, inspired, and engaged. Ooh!
I am a complete ham who loves prancing about and trying new things. I get distracted by the shiny but can also spend ages on something meaty. I work for the greater good but am working on not sacrificing myself so much. I’m a hugmonster and cuddleslut. I like to explore new worlds, live with the locals, and spend hours on filling dinners chatting about ideas for a new world. I have a book obsession and can often be found in my second home on the Internet.
We will balance on top of each other and practice handstands till I can hold a pose for longer than a second. We will dress up in black and red and sequins and struff our stuff at burlesque balls. We will commune with artists and break the bread of inspiration. We will launch other people’s feathered dreams. We will collectively build an island of Awesome, surrounded by seas of nourishments and relaxing beaches where we consecrate our magic tools for the Goddess.
Anyone or anything – people, experiences, jobs, media, spirit – welcome to apply. Totally looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Maybe I should make a page called the Hall of Awesome, where I can link and profile my Awesome Crew and showcase examples of Awesome. How about Tiara’s NING Network of Awesome? Would you join?
Just before I have to do the difficult or time-consuming part of something – currently: filling in job applications – I get sleepy. I think oh I’m too tired, I can’t concentrate. I take a nap. I loll about in bed. and the things that need to be done don’t get done.
I just thought I was always too tired to do anything. Then I realised that the sleepiness could be a coping mechanism, a way to procrastinate from doing the difficult things.
It’s too hard. It won’t work. I’ve done enough for the world anyway. I’d rather sleep. Sleep is nice.
The sleep’s never restful though. When I am genuinely in need of a nap I doze off and wake up from 20 mins to 2 hours later feeling a bit better about myself. However, with these procrastination-based sleeps, I just feel tired. My eyelids are heavy. But I can’t get to sleep. It’s like being stuck in the middle of sleep and awakening.
Havi has been doing a lot of self-talk with her inner fear. I wonder if I should do something with my inner sleepyhead. Where do I start?
Last week I went to see Sylvia Arroyo at No Borders about my visa options. Basically we worked out the following:
I could get the Occupational Trainee visa, but it does mean that I’m highly limited in the work I can do – and unless I win the lottery or get a massive grant, I won’t be able to solely support myself on circus training.
I’m 10 points short for a General Skilled Migration PR – but that’s not a big concern
The Graduate (Temporary) Skilled visa is best for me – 18 months, non-restricted, and it gives me the 10 extra points I need if I ever want to get a PR
To get that visa, I have to nominate myself in a skilled area on their Skilled Occupation List (which doesn’t include every job under the sun, just a select few). After some review, I find that I’m most “qualified” as a Print Journalist.
This means that if I want to apply for PR after 18 months, I should have at least one year’s work experience in print journalism or something closely related. It doesn’t have to be all at once or all with the same company. I could work wherever I wished if I wasn’t concerned about the PR.
This is a basic breakdown of the costs and materials needed to get this visa:
Item
Cost
Notes
IELTS Tests
$280
Paid for – I have a test on the 21st of March. However, I can’t lodge the application until I get my results – it takes two weeks and I’m meant to be out of the country then. Trying to get an early date, or check whether I can lodge this by proxy.
VETASSESS Assessment
$319
Can only do this once I get the degree cert – so after 24th March. I can lodge the app while this is being processed.
Medicals
$271
Don’t need to be finished when app’s lodged; just having them booked is fine.
Police Clearance (Australia)
$49
Since they take a while, just having them booked is fine – AFP mails them over.
Visa application
$190
Together with this, I need to attach the IELTS test results, proof of booking (medicals, VETASSESS, police clearance), and whatever other paperwork they want.
Police Clearance (Malaysia)
???
Not sure how to get this done – apparently it’s tricky for non-citizens. I’ll only need this when the visa’s ready to be issued.
Translation (Birth Cert)
???
Also only need this once visa’s ready.
Migration Agent
$2200
This lets her deal with everything. We can do it alone also if we wished.
Minus the migration agent and the Malaysian stuff, this comes up to just under $1000. I’d like the assistance of the agent though (even if it’s more than double the visa price!!) – it’ll definitely help get some clout with getting paperwork done early (especially the IELTS test!!) and managing the application while I’m in Malaysia.
Since even the non-agent visa costs are way out of my budget, I asked my parents for help. My mum’s not really saying much about it, but my dad went ballistic.
“You spent $20,000 on a degree! Why don’t you use that degree for a job? Why do you want to go to the circus?!”
“How long do you want to live in uncertainty? THEREARETOOMANYIFS!”
“If we get Malaysian citizenship (my dad’s been hinting about this for months) do you still want to apply for PR?”
“You spent some time camping and got sick and didn’t enjoy it (Woodford; I left halfway due to illness and being overwhelmed). Do you think you’ll be physically capable for circus?”
“I think to get the 10 points you should apply for a master’s course that can get you points.” (This coming from the same person that said “if you can find any way to get Aussie PR I’ll support you, to the point of hooking me up with another agent months ago! Appreciated the help, but that agent was borderline useless.)
I understand and acknowledge that they’re worried. That they just want me to be safe, healthy, happy. What I don’t get is why they don’t understand that this makes me happy. The circus thing is a dream come true – why are they letting their own prejudices and misconceptions cloud what I’m doing? So they don’t think it’s worthwhile. I think it is. Shouldn’t that matter?
Why are my parents worried about me being in “uncertainty” when I’ve at least found something I’ll be certain for the year? My dad keeps asking “after that 18 months and your circus thing, what would you do?” I can’t give him a concrete answer now – things change, people change, I change. All I could tell him is that I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
My dad wants all sorts of official information from Sylvia. Apparently he’d rather believe her than me. I asked him to call her; don’t know if he has. Sylvia isn’t responding to my emails. I really want her help. I just can’t afford it on my own right now.
I’ve been applying and looking for jobs to support myself in the meantime. Not many purely about writing; quite a few marketing/communications which aren’t exactly my thing (I’m useless at selling things) but could try for anyway. And a few somewhat left-of-center ones that sound pretty cool. There are some other cool projects here too, but they’re voluntary – and voluntary don’t pay the bills.
Then I’ll probably have to find a place to live – right now I’m bunking with Mark (boyfriend) and Nikki (close friend) because it helps all of us afford rent and it was meant to be a short-term thing. (Nikki used to have her ex as her roomie before they broke up recently.) However, Mark and I have the smaller room, and neither of us are particularly keen at this moment in time to keep sharing a room 24/7. Sleeptime’s great, but we both need our personal space (especially since we both have overflowing collections!) and I don’t want us to end up like Nikki & Ex who ended up resenting each other. On the other hand, my past experiences with private rentals haven’t turned out too well.
I’d like to find a creative circusy or performancy house, with enough space to practice & train, and some space to be private, go into prayer, etc. Mark and I were thinking of us having separate rooms but coming together in the evenings; that could work. I know friends that are in “theme houses” – circus, Pagan, etc. They seem to get along great. Where do those friends find each other? Do they meet first and then househunt, or the other way round?
If I do end up in Brisbane longer, I’d like to continue burlesque dancing. I’d like to choreograph some routines, and perform them at smaller intimate (ha!) events. I’d like to do some long-term volunteering projects, such as a coordination role in Backbone Youth Art’s 2high Festival . I could get a head start on the 1000 True Fans business idea (seriously: this is a standard website for solo performance artists . I could draw better than that, and I can’t draw.) I could go for Aspirant training with my coven . I could risk going for the long-term stuff. And of course, I could whip my way around the circus and live my dream.
But I can’t really even commit to anything until I know where in the world I’ll be.
I’m doing Goddess Leonie’s eCourse and am only catching up on last week’s theme now. It’s about “sacred stuckness” – acknowledging the bits of you that are holding you back from doing what you want to do. Pretty poignant, since I was apparently stuck enough to delay it for a week!
Here are the questions from the worksheet, which I’ll attempt to answer now. They’re likely not going to be very comprehensive, but a start is better than nothing…
1. What stuckness do you feel right now?
Stuckness at acknowledging my stuckness! Figuring out how to be financially independent, beholden to no one, not long-term dependent on anybody. Working past familial prejudices and the fear of completely destroying some people in pursuit of my own creation. Actually doing things that would do me a world of good.
2. If you had a conversation with your stuckness about why they were there, what would they say to you?
You’re tired.
We just want you to not be disappointed.
Why do you have to work so hard? We can give you an easy life.
You don’t have to do anything!
Just sleep.
Why do you have to worry so much?
You’re not very healthy.
You’re not very good.
You should listen to us.
3. Ask your stuckness: What do I need to change in order for you to feel safe?
You should acknowledge me more.
You should listen to what we have to say!
You should understand, we only want you to be well.
We are important too, you know.
You should care for us.
[my stuckness sounds like my parents. exact voices.]
4. Ask your stuckness: What are you trying to teach me?
That we mean well. That we’re always looking out for you.
The world is a dangerous place and I don’t want you to get hurt.
Will you be OK? I need to know that you’re OK. Please be OK.
5. Working with your stuckness: write ideas on how you can work with them.
Acknowledging the fear and the bad sides before starting off.
Knowing that not everything’s danger-proof.
Show them that I’ll be fine.
Don’t cling to their expectations; I can’t control how they feel.
So some time ago I applied for an artsworker position with Vulcana Women’s Circus . The year-long program involves intense training in the circus arts, followed by community arts and outreach work.
I wrote an email to them talking about my lifelong dream to learn circus arts (or at least gymnastics of some sort), how I enjoyed my beginner’s circus class a LOT, how even though I’m not very technically competent I’m willing to learn and I love community work anyhoo. I didn’t expect to get shortlisted even: I figured they’d want someone with more arts and circus experience and ability.
I just got a call from Chae (who trained us in our beginner’s class). She said my application was lovely, and that they want me in their artsworker program!!
OMG!!
I’ve been harbouring a dream to be trained in circus skills (to a competent level) for a year. Intense circus. I wasn’t sure how to make it possible but I wanted it to be made possible. And now it’s coming true!!
Well, maybe. The trick now is dealing with visas. Which could be a bit more complex. Chae’s husband in Dutch so she’s familiar with immigration issues, but this is a slightly different situation.
I’ve looked around and there seems to be two visas that suit my situation well:
1. The Occupational Trainee Visa which allows you to be part of a workplace training program for up to two years in Australia. Pros: Very specifically applies to situations like mine, so shouldn’t be a problem. Employer (Vulcana)‘s willing to help, and they do most of the work (which shouldn’t be too hard). Relatively easy to apply – no need to futz around with skilled occupations or English tests or whatever. Cons: I can’t work elsewhere while doing the training; Vulcana however can only offer casual work at the most, so I’m not sure where I’m going to find money to live on. I could do online work, but again I’m not sure what work I could do online that would help me pay rent and living expenses.
2. The Skilled – Graduate (Temporary) Visa which is especially designed for recent international graduates of Australian universities, to spend 18 months in Australia with no restrictions on work, study, or whatever/ Pros: I can do whatever I want, so I can work part-time or even study part-time if I wished. Longer period, so I can spend some time before/after to rest and travel around. Cons: I have to do all of the legwork. Timing will be an issue – I need to have ALL my paperwork sorted before I can apply. One of them is the IELTS English language test, which I’m only taking at the end of March. (My current visa expires soon after.) I need to nominate something from the Skilled Occupation List which is slightly difficult for my degree – also, I’m not sure whether what I plan to do has to exactly match up with my nominated job (if it doesn’t, this becomes a LOT easier).
I’ve contacted No Borders Migration about it but I haven’t heard anything yet. I’d like to get the Temporary Graduate visa anyway regardless of Vulcana happening; it’s more timing that I’m worried about.
I really hope the visa issues get sorted and that I get to be in this program. It’s my dream come true. Good vibes and energy please!!
Since New Year’s Day 2006, I’ve been working hard on EducateDeviate and on everything related to it. Spending hours looking for opportunities to share with other young people, attending as many related events as I could, talking and networking and campaigning and learning. About a year into it, I became deeply involved with social enterprise and entrepreneurship. It blended my passion for social change with the need to incorporate more structure into my ideas. I have tons of books and binders full of printouts about setting up meetings, running organisations, other youth empowerment programs, other empowering young people. I’d draft ideas to bring the failed Brick in the Wall project up, bring alternative education to Malaysia, bring young Malaysians some respect. I’d be conference-hopping, sometimes spending thousands of dollars on airfare to meet other passionate young people doing something in their community. This was my lifeblood for the past few years.
I’m tired of it. I want out.
I first got sick of it all during the Brightest Young Minds conference. I had just been rejected from KaosPilots Rotterdam after a tumultuous 8 months of trying to get into any of their schools, going crazy about social enterprise and about getting admitted . I was bummed out, stressed, lonely, depressed – and, surrounded by 99 other “bright young minds”, I felt like an impostor. I proposed a few projects, but never really had any desire to bring them to fruition – I just wish someone would do it for me. I didn’t have a brighter future in mind. No set goals. I was spent. I spent some evenings crying alone in a room in the university (I did get rescued by the other attendees, who were awesome on their own).
On the last day there was a quote on the slides by Mahatma Gandhi. Something along the lines of “The moment you feel you cannot change the world is the moment you begin to die.”. That was me. I had started to die.
I still flitted with social change and social enterprise and alternative education for the next few months. I was dealing with a lot of stress – work experience, final semester, tumultuous relationships, bad hormones. It was crazy time. I was going nuts. The things I thought would sustain me for life now don’t even look desirable.
I admire people who work hard to make a difference. They are an absolute inspiration. I too want to have a positive impact somehow; it’s just that I’ve grown tired of my current methods.
I’ve grown cynical of effective social change. I believe world peace is impossible because humanity has the innate need to fight and destroy. I’ve been away from Malaysia for long enough that I’ve lost touch with what’s going on. The EducateDeviate blog has run its course as a blog. For it to be more effective it needs to do real-world outreach things – resource centres, roadshows, school talks. But I’m not sure I particularly want to work on any of those.
Right now other things excite me. Performance has always been therapy for me but right now it’s become more life-affirming than ever. Even just going to burlesque classes can lift me out of a stressful dour mood. Human sexuality is utterly interesting. All the nuances! The politics! The psychology innate in sexual expression! A formerly taboo world now open for exploration. What lies beneath?
I would rather either hang around in Brisbane and travel around Australia (and perhaps elsewhere) doing burlesque performances, working on creative projects, swapping lines with other fun creative people. Or go to San Francisco, apparently the Center of the World for creativity and sexual positivism and Reclaiming, and explore a whole different world for a while. Or go on an educational cruise ship and travel with young people across the world. Or be one of Hipster Runoff’s mocked alts semi-tongue-in-cheek, write a nonpariel blog Gala Darling style and earn enough money while sleeping to do whatever I want and wear whatever I want.
None of those involve going back to Malaysia to set up a youth center and rally for youth rights (which I can’t really do anyway, since it’d jeopardise my permanent residency and potential citizenship). None of those involve writing a business plan, sitting with governments, being at a protest rally. None of those involve posting opportunities only to have people email you asking for every single resource you’ve collected.
Writing the Sauve Scholars app to research peer-to-peer youth empowerment methods felt more like something I should do, something that is morally right and maintains my reputation. But honestly? If all my costs were covered for a year I’d pick up a ton of dance moves, travel around the place, and learn whatever looked interesting at the time. I’d be more open and spontaneous. I’d be able to do utterly stupid things and not worry about sacrificing my lifelihood. I’d take more risks.
It’s not that I’ve totally lost interest in empowering young people, in alternative ways of learning and schooling. They still intrigue me. I’m just tired of feeling like I have to either be the national representative, or that I have to actually do something to be considered legitimate. I’d like to get involved, but I don’t know if I necessarily want to be the person that creates the opportunity to get involved in the first place. I want to take it casual, do it on my own time, not feel resentful for not spending 5 hours a day on them. Take breaks when I want to. Shake my head around.
This is why I keep saying I don’t know what to do. Because I don’t want to get stuck in one thing, especially one thing forever. Not when my passions change every 5 years! Not when I have multiple personalities with multiple desires! (more on that soon) I’m ever evolving and I’d like to keep that a constant.
So what shall I do? Put EducateDeviate on infinite hiatus? Go to sleep because I might just be rambling? Where now?
On the Triiibes Ning site, Megan posted an intriguing clinic challenge that resonated with me:
Margot has a ton of potential, and she wants to translate that into a ton of success. She does lots of things that she enjoys and even makes a living from them most of the time. She knows she can push the envelope a lot further; it’s just a matter of navigating the sandy, rocky, often unfamiliar terrain without spraining an ankle. (She’s doing good so far.) She still has a ways to go, however, and she can see some very exciting motes of success in her future. But she CAN’T see the path that gets her there, and she can’t understand how she might influence it — to make the journey happen faster, or to make the terrain smoother. What she really wants is a moon buggy.
Her question was: The missing link between POTENTIAL and SUCCESS is _______________.
I could be Margot. This is pretty close to my current situation. I have tons of potential (at the very least, some people feel so), and I strive to do more things that I enjoy. Haven’t gotten to the “making a living” stage yet. I’m facing very unfamiliar terrain – the near future – and while there’s some really interesting leads, I’m not sure where to go or how to get there.
First I have to define what success means for me. I don’t tend to live on goals (like “I’ll be published in 5 years”) – I’ve found that my interests and desires tend to shift often enough and that some of the best things I’ve experienced were things I couldn’t even imagine. Instead, I strive to live my life by a few principles:
Live through experiences.
Work for the greater good of the people around you.
Be energised creatively.
Be engaged.
Accept and welcome others regardless of their background or preferences.
Appreciate that people have different perspectives and viewpoints.
Speak up against injustice.
Feel alive and thrive in your life.
Make sure your core needs are met and respected.
Honour your emotions and feelings.
Be welcome to surprises.
I’m still working on wholly implementing these principles into my life, but they serve as a great guide so far. So for me, success would involve being in experiences that inspire, engage, motivate, involve, and welcome me and allow me to give back.
Next question: where can I find such success?
The moon buggy will need to know where to go. The map needs an X. Here’s where I’m stuck – what do I pursue next?
I do have a few ideas – the “run away to the circus” jobs:
Literally join a circus
…or burlesque troupe, or street theater
Be a sexologist and concentrate on sexuality and creativity
Mentor young people to support their dreams
Work in stage management on Darren Hayes’s musical version of This Delicate Thing We’ve Made (yes, I’m a massive fangirl. And I want to be his intern.)
Will I achieve my desired success in any of those pursuits?
I’ve been burnt from diving headlong into things that I thought would bring me what I desire, only to be absolutely shattered and disappointed. My KaosPilot drama of 2008 was the last example of that. Now I’m too shy and scared to try anymore – because I’m scared that I’ll be broken again.
Writing this, the answer seems to obvious: Give it a go. But how? Where do I even start?
In a couple of months I officially graduate from university. Then I leave Australia for Malaysia – my visa expires, and it’s about time I got back anyway.
And then what?
The thought of going back to Malaysia leaves me cold. There’s nothing where I live (in the middle of nowhere). A lot of the things I enjoy would be considered immoral if not illegal. I do a lot of work around Malaysian education, but I’ve been so out of the loop for about three years. And now I’m not sure if I want to keep going – or if I want to focus on myself instead.
I like Brisbane. It’s laidback, people are friendly, there are opportunities here. I’ve built up trust, and I’ve learnt how things work. I still don’t know how things work in Malaysia. I know how to start a business in Australia but not in Malaysia, for goodness sake! I’m able to comment on Government stuff and have ministers respond to me sincerely, instead of worrying about being ISA’d. I could decide to change my look a thousand times and no one would care too much.
The only things I miss in Malaysia are my loved ones and the food. Everything else can just bugger off.
I am obligated to go back. When I applied for my Australian visa I wrote a letter saying that I’ll “go back to Malaysia to serve the community” or somesuch. It’s theoretically “my country”…except that I still don’t have citizenship, so I can’t do too much anyway. It’s kinda sad that I’ve somehow managed to contribute more to Brisbane than I have to Johor, or to Malaysia as a whole.
I’m not sure what to do for myself. Some time ago I had an epiphany – I want to help and serve people through prayer, healing, and creativity. I just don’t quite know how, logistically. Also, that just serves one aspect of me. There’s the Magick Witch Woman, who needed that epiphany; there’s the Do-Gooder Social Entrepreneur/Conference Junkie; there’s the Shimmy Shimmy Burlesque Sexologist; the Drama Queen Ham of Bounce; the Sleepyhead Lazybum (who seems to dominate currently); the Fameseeker…tons more. Often they overlap, but they’ve got their own interests and aspirations. And I’m not sure how to satisfy them all.
I applied for Sauve Scholars for a year-long fellowship to study youth empowerment. Besides being totally over my head, I’m not sure I’m cut out for it or even want it. Uni work = boring. And apparently Montreal is cold 8 months of the year? I get seriously depressed in winter. But the chance to do your own thing for a whole year! Do whatever you want! Sounds like heaven.
There’s an opportunity to be an artsworker with Vulcana Women’s Circus . Learn and develop your circus skills, and train others similarly. It’s been a dream for a while to be trained in circus for a year – this sounds oddly like that dream come true. Except I’m not actually competent in circus. I can do some aspects, but I’m not especially agile or fit or flexible. I just want to be trained up to a competent level. Does that make me a poser? I feel so happy and free onstage, prancing about…is that OK?
I don’t know what to do. What to hope for. Last time I hoped for and worked towards a goal, it fell flat on my face spectacularly. I’m too scared to wish now.
The topic of the “Right People” has come up recently within some of the spiritual/personal development type blogs. I first saw it mentioned in Havi’s rant and then Goddess Leonie brings it up in a more cheerful way . ROFL at:
What if people think my emails are slimy salesity-salesville and unsubscribe when I’m trying to be “hellloooooooooo-just-wanted-to-let-you-know-possum” instead?
Both of them are launching exclusive online self-development programs and both have come up with issues related to pricing and marketing. The price is too high, the conditions too strict, etc etc etc.
In response to those criticisms, they state that if you don’t feel their program is for you, then you’re not the Right Person for it. They are after the Right People, and – judging from the comments – they’re not in any desperation for them.
Pricing is a tricky thing when it comes to things that take place online. The Internet has made a lot of options more accessible, and what used to be behind a barrier of dollars is now available for free (legally or otherwise). The idea, then, of paying about $100 or more for what is essentially an online forum may seem at first to be odd – there are so many free forums! Blogs with the same information! Cheap e-books! Affordable real books! What justifies their price?
Now I am a major proponent of asking for what you’re worth. Nobody should have to compromise themselves for an opportunity, or be exploited just because the option’s there. I’ve been in quite a number of toss-ups with spec-work sites who use patronising justifications such as “a designer in the third-world would be lucky to be paid the [extremely low] rates!” (or the more common “It’s such great exposure!” Which has launched a thousand celebrities, I’m sure. )
However, at the same time, it can’t be denied that money works very differently between cultures and regions. Costs of living are different everywhere, and this also reflects a shift in priorities. Here in Brisbane one really basic unimpressive meal (think college food) would cost you about $7 – which translates to about RM21-RM24, the price of a few pretty good dishes in Malaysia. Heck, I don’t know whether to be amused or horrified by the people peddling kaftans at roundabout $100 – you could get similar quality for a lot less! (This has also led to people from our general area being pretty good hagglers. Except for me, because I suck with negotiating money unless it’s massively unfair.)
So do the conversions: Goddess Leonie’s $67 Creative E-Course (which I’m a part of, incidentally) calculates to about RM162, which is a lot for an online-only unaccredited course. Even highly popular “How To Score As” workshops don’t go for that much. Similarly, Havi’s Kitchen Table , which goes to $396 for a year’s access, equals nearly RM1000 – about a semester of tuition! For what is essentially an online forum and an occasional phonecall. I could argue that I get very similar (if not better) value from a one-time $5 Ask Metafilter account, with expertise from everywhere – and that’s just because I wanted to post; lurking’s free.
This isn’t meant to slam on Goddess Leonie or Havi. I do find value in their blogs and I feel they’re generally good people who’re making a living for themselves the best way to know how.
But see how, to someone who doesn’t hail from the typical American/European/Australian (a.k.a. proto-Western) financial society, those figures don’t make sense? The idea of charging for personal advice is controversial; some say it should be given freely, some note the personal costs of the advice-giver, some feel that the pricetags often give a “Salesity-salesville” vibe and that donations would have been better. Who knows.
Someone who comes from a country with lower costs of living won’t necessarily be able to afford something like Goddess Leonie’s or Havi’s projects. Even if they really wanted to. Even if they could afford it, the cost doesn’t seem justified. And yet, programs like the above don’t quite exist yet in our country. The urban areas are growing quickly, but they’re still growing; creative circles and self-development groups aren’t quite yet commonplace.
So is it really our fault that we’re not the “Right People”?
It’s not just monetary price, either: my biggest bone to pick with Seth Godin’s Alternative MBA was its lack of support for anyone who didn’t already have a year’s worth of expenses saved up and who came from outside the US. No visa help, no accommodation, no stipend, nothing. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Seth hadn’t pumped the program up as being for “world-changers”. People were offering to sleep in their cars to sacrifice for entry into the Alternative MBA; I can’t fathom how anyone can ever give up food, shelter, and/or health for anything.
The only people who could realistically afford something like the above are usually the same old nearly-affluent middle-class usually Caucasian people who come from relatively well-off society (so not so stuck in poverty that they have to worry about their next paycheck – like I did when I realised mine wasn’t coming for another month and I was broke. Thanks Mum & Dad!). Yet the people who would most benefit from those opportunities, and the people who would bring the most benefit to others, are the very same people shut out due to factors outside their control.
Due to their country’s economy, they aren’t able to gain knowledge to develop themselves.
Due to this lack of knowledge, they may not be able to help their country effectively – including in their economy.
The groups above suffer too. Their perspective isn’t as diverse as it could be; even those from “different” cultures would have pretty similar class leanings. Or they may have to work harder to gain more side opportunities, only to miss them because of work – this was very common with foreign KaosPilots (to afford being a KP, they had to work multiple jobs, but working kept them from special opps which drew them to KP in the first place!).
And then the System gets perpetuated. The relatively-rich get all the opportunities. The relatively-poorer, who would get the most benefit out of the opportunities, gets left behind.
In a young social entrepreneur’s panel I went to, one fundraiser advocated for collecting donations from their own local communities to further their work. An African delegate working on poverty stood up and said that his people lived on less than a dollar a day – how was he supposed to get donations from them?
This is the main reason the term “Right People” makes me really, really twitchy. Havi, Goddess Leonie, Seth Godin et al have a point when they say that their programs aren’t suited for everyone. But they make the assumption that if you acknowledge the logistical and practical costs, and you’re not necessarily willing to forgo your basic needs, you’re not “right”. It puts a separation, places people into different classes. When what’s needed are classes dissolving and people integrating. It rewards privilege and blames people for not being “privileged” enough – even though you usually don’t get a choice with your privileges.
Just because I come from Asia doesn’t mean I don’t want to know how to be more creative or how to find my soul purpose. But just because I’m the sort of person who is urban enough to be thinking about “soul purposes” doesn’t mean I’ll consider every price fair, or take up every opportunity as the Holy Grail.
Stop playing into the System. Stop perpetuating the System.
Think about what you want to achieve with your project. Think about how you can make your project accessible. What is your ultimate aim? How else can you get that aim fulfilled while acknowledging privilege? Are you willing to admit that you intentionally won’t let certain people in? (That’s not a bad thing. Just be honest and say “yeah, ok, I’m going to get a lot of middle-aged wealthy people because they’re the only ones that can afford it usually”. Just be clear of your limitations.)
If you want to change the world, you have to let the world in. Don’t claim “world-changing” and then price people out. If you want people to make sacrifices for you, you better be prepared to make sacrifices for them. Or else be clearer about what you really want.
But don’t blame the People for not being the “Right People”, when it’s the System – that you are a part of – that makes them so.
I had just finished reading Made to Stick , a book describing how ideas take hold in people’s minds and lead them to action. Here’s a good summary.
The book was very interesting overall, but there was a section in there that stuck out to me. (I’m paraphrasing a bit here, because I’ve just returned the book to the library and can’t find online excerpts, but it should be roundabout page 209.) There was a recent study on what form of thinking can help people deal with their problems. The researchers took 3 groups of students who were facing problems in their life.
One group, the “control group”, was given a short talk on general problem-solving skills.
The second group was asked to visualise the events that led up to the problem in full detail, including their emotions and thoughts around those events.
The third group was asked to visualise how they’d feel once the problems were solved – their relief, happiness, joy, etc.
The third tactic is particularly common amongst those who follow the Law of Attraction (Abraham-Hicks, The Secret, etc). It’s also pretty common with people that practice witchcraft and magick. You may be familiar with the hordes of advice on visualising success, the cheque in your hand, the ownership of your dream house, etc.
Which group turned out to be the most successful in dealing with their problems, and also a lot more emotionally positive?
The second group. And not just by a small margin – apparently they were doubly successful.
There goes every self-help book in the world!
The Heath brothers, who wrote Made to Stick, didn’t expand too much on why the second group, who examined the actual problem, were more successful. (If I still remembered the actual citation I’d look it up.) But here’s my theory: working through the problem has a rubber-duck effect. You tell a “rubber duck”, or your head, or a neutral party, what’s going on.
The process of explaining the problem helps in revealing the weak spots – often, as you tell the story, you work out what the matter is, and (without even a peep from your rubber duck) you figure out the solution.
It’s quite like looking for a lost item; you’re better off thinking about where you saw it last, then your feelings on finding the item. Compare it to a maths equation – thinking about how great the end result will be isn’t going to help you figure out 1+1.
Visualising the end result can help in gaining confidence, especially if it’s something out of your control. But it’s not going to lead you to action. On the flipside, brooding about the problem doesn’t do anything either. Both those methods require too much energy on how you feel about the issue – but our feelings usually stem from our thoughts, and they’re not always the best indicator of what to do next.
What the second group seems to be doing is examining their problem from a neutral standpoint, allowing them enough distance to objectively evaluate their situation. The neutrality and distance allows them to see things about their problem that they were blind to when they were emotionally involved. Ever had someone proofread your writing and find tons of errors that you missed? Similar principle.
What does that mean for advocates of the Law of Attraction or The Secret ? Well, there’s certainly no harm in thinking about the end result, especially if it gives you motivation to keep problem-solving. But solutions don’t drop out of trees (unless you’re wishing for leaves). To get the solution, we need to take action. We need to actually solve the problem.
(I made “Getting There” as a category for things related to productivity, inspiration, making your dreams come true, that sort of thing. How’s that for a category name?)
Jamie at Starshyne Productions is currently holding a monthly dreamboard project, where participants make up dreamboards (also known as vision boards or LOA boards) consisting of symbols, pictures, and words that represent their dream and vision. This month’s Full Moon is the brightest of the year, so apparently it’s especially potent and powerful.
I like vision boards; I find the experience calming and very energetic creatively. I have 3 paper boards that I’ve laminated and placed away, filled with pictures and words about creativity, travel, adventure, learning, and so on. Some aspects have come true in unusual ways – I placed the pictures of the Tarnished performers on there mainly to represent fun and burlesque, and not only am I doing burlesque lessons, I actually got to see Tarnished at the Woodford Folk Festival for free! There you go!
Here’s my first contribution to her monthly quest:
Explanation of the dreamboard elements:
1. My head on a domme’s body, with “V-Day” on the corner – I’m performing in this year’s V-Day Brisbane – part of a worldwide yearly event to raise funds and awareness for women’s rights through performances of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues. My role involves a dominatrix/sex worker whose main aim is to please women. Like most of the other monologues, it can get quite controversial (my mum’s already having conniptions!) but it’s fun, fabulous, and empowering in the sense of celebrating deep pleasure and not letting anyone embarrass you. I’m slowly learning it – I’ve got the gist if not the precise wording – and full rehearsals start tomorrow. Whee! (Also, if you’re in Brisbane, please come!)
2. Bill Clinton behind myself at a conference, with the CGI U logo behind him as well as an airplane in front – I’ve been selected as a delegate for Clinton Global Initiative University 2009, the youth arm of President Clinton’s foundation to encourage people to work together in solving the world’s issues. I need assistance with getting airfare and accommodation in Austin, TX for the conference – it’s from Feb 13 to 15. I’ve asked my university but any other help in terms of sponsorship or other assistance is greatly appreciated!
3. A pair of hands holding a globe, with a web and heart on top – I just made this website and I’d like to build more loving connections with people through my website and my other online haunts. I’ve been online for more than half my life and I’ve found some great people and relationships, and I’d like to continue that further.
4. The “IDEAS4U” car plate – I found that on Flickr from a guy who’s doing a web project about ideas. I love ideas, and I want to share them with people (hence this website!). I’d like to have my ideas travel to reality, whether through me or someone else.
5. The words “inspiration”, “connection”, and “magic” – some elements and concepts that I find important to me now.
6. Purple stars – I like stars! Purple’s becomign a very important colour for me, and apparently it’s deeply connected with psychic and spiritual work, so it’s an apt colour for a dreamboard!
Give a dreamboard a go. It doesn’t have to be pro quality (as you can tell from my amateur Photoshopness). You can do it on the computer, or by hand – cut up a bunch of pictures and words and stick them around on paper however you wish. If you don’t have a set goal in mind, just use whatever seems lovely or draws you in – you may be surprised with the result!
Sometimes I get jealous of some friends of mine, who seem to be able to sum up their interests and abilities into a few succinct words. Web development. Events. Illustration. Pagan writing. Things like that.
Being able to do that means that it’s easier for them to scout out ways for them to pursue their interests. Just plug those keywords into the search engine of choice, and there you go. Mention it to anyone and they usually get what you’re about straight away.
I, on the other hand, can’t seem to find a few succinct words that get across what I’m interested it easily. It’s not that such terms don’t exist, because they do:
Multicultural, multicreative, multitasking (a.k.a. my tagline).
Interdisciplinary.
Creative generalist.
Scanner.
The idea here is that I like to explore a lot of different things and am especially interested in how different things can connect together. However, whenever I even mention one of those words to anyone, it usually ends up being a 5-minute lecture. I already get that when people ask me about my degree – “Creative Industries? What’s that?”. Ask about my “major” (Interdisciplinary – no seriously) and you can have a whole seminar!
This also means that I’m not quite sure where to start looking for opportunities, options, jobs, ideas – mainly because I’m not quite sure what other people call them. I get emails about job openings often, and I end up passing a lot of them to Nikki because she and I have similar career interests. But also, there are a lot more jobs that specifically mention her skills, than mine.
It doesn’t help that I tend to subvert certain terminologies too. I don’t use words quite the same way as the majority.
Alternative education – to many Americans this implies either alternative schools or homeschooling. While I do have interest in those areas, my main passion is in ensuring that students are treated fairly and that various ways of learning and subject matter are treated as valid.
Holistic therapy – I’m not looking to be a naturopath, specifically. I’m interested in creative therapy, in incorporating creativity into your life to assist you in dealing with your issues.
Youth development – I want to help young people pursue their passions. While I do care about big issues like the MDGs, they’re not as strong a concern for me.
Performance – I don’t need to be validated with an award for best skill. I’m mainly in it for the creative fun factor.
I favour the unusual, the non-boxed, the ones that not only build bridges between faraway lands but builds whole networks and glass elevators and tunnels and all sorts of ways for contact.
