The Future?

I used to be quite worried about my “future”. So did the other people around me growing up, or in my life now.

How will My Future be like?
Will what I do lead to a good Future?
Is My Future secure? How can I be certain?

bloody future, seriously!

I would think way ahead to my future self, and try to work out what she’s up to, how she’s happy, how she looks. For some reason she’s stuck in a red turtleneck and a trenchcoat – an outfit that’s only brought me bad luck so far (I’m slightly superstitious about clothes). She seems generally content…why she’s content is never really concrete.

And then I’ll make grandiose plans. Oh, I’ll embark on this trip! And work on this job! Then I’ll meet these people! And achieve this and that! And BE HAPPY!

But my plans always fell apart one way or another. Usually due to something out of my control – usually a rejection for something I’ve wished and worked very hard to get. You can see the aftermath of the most recent attempt here. They were learning experiences, and it’s not like I didn’t get anything out of the process – but it still never guaranteed a future.

Nothing does.

You know why? Because there is no Future.

Everything is NOW. We can only work with the information we have now. We can only control so much over our circumstances. Why worry so much about The Future, when all you can work with is NOW?

There is some value to future planning, but only in a more short-term or general sense. For me, I find super specific things like “I will produce a book in 5 years” really unhelpful, as I’ve found that my passions and interests come and go in phases. They don’t disappear completely after the end of their phase; they just become less important or less pressing. But I still incorporate them somehow into my life work.

When I was a teenager I was all about current pop culture, television, media. Then I went to Up with People and became obsessed with non-profits, social enterprise, saving the world. Now I’m flowing into performance, burlesque, creativity on a larger scale. All of those have always been important in some way in my life; they’ve just shifted priorities.

My parents are worrying about My Future. Especially my current circus and burlesque kick (aside from all the culture-bending). They think this venture doesn’t give me a safe, secure future. As my dad put it:

THERE ARE TOO MANY UNCERTAINTIES!!!

But are there? Right now I’m certain that this is what brings me joy. It brings me smart, creative, loving, awesome people. It brings me new skills and the rush of accomplishment. It brings me freedom to be the crazy nutter that I am without judgement. It brings me new experiences. It brings me fun, LOTS of fun.

It may just be something I do for a few years before moving on. It may be something I do forever. It may be something that I become famous in. It may be my calling. Who knows.

But at least I’m certain. I’m certain that this is what I want to do right now. And I’m happy.

The future can be dealt with when it comes. I want to live now.

Comments

1. The future can change so much. I let my principles and my goals guide me. Organisations, position names, roles, projects etc are the ones that fall in place.

   — Hannah · Mar 15, 12:33 PM · #